The people behind People magazine have snubbed us – but good.
Well, maybe they didn’t actually snub us – maybe we snubbed ourselves. See, the thing is our People magazine photo shoot just kinda imploded in on itself. For one thing nobody with a camera even showed up. For another, once we’d purchased a wind-up disposable we were trying to take all these sexy pictures of ourselves, but our jaw would jut-out, the light kept catching our uni-brow’s five o’clock shadow and for the life of us we just couldn’t get Photoshop to work right.
So they set the crown of ‘Hottest Bachelor’ on Slater instead. Yup – that mag seems to think Mario Lopez is hotter than everyone else in the world, which is a bit unfair because even though they didn’t give the title to us – they’ve never even met our baby brother.
He looks like a Brad Pitt/Blanche from Golden Girls hybrid for crying out loud.
Blanche was supposed to be the hot one, right?
We would really like an inquest into this Mario Lopez-gets-to-be People magazine’s ‘hottest bachelor’ embarrassment. For one thing Zack was far more attractive. For another thing we heard via grapevine that Lopez only looks like that because he gave himself worms to keep thin. This bad behavior is clearly going to be encouraged.
But it’s their magazine, and although we’re really not sure about how they arrived at this conclusion (though it probably had something to do with the light refracting off his sweat just right in his $21.99 workout video that hasn’t helped our gut at all) they’ve announced Mario Lopez as being the ‘Hottest Bachelor’:
“We first met PEOPLE’s Hottest Bachelor when he played good-guy A.C. Slater on Saved by the Bell. He’s since moved on to Dancing with the Stars and is now co-host of Extra’s weekend edition and star of Broadway’s A Chorus Line. Still, Lopez, 34 – here recreating Mark Wahlberg’s famous “Marky Mark” pose – says he wasn’t always so fit: “I was a fat, fat baby. I looked like a sumo wrestler. My mom had to pull the fat folds apart when she bathed me!””
Well that’s it – now he’s gonna be absolutely impossible to work with. A few years ago when the most impressive thing on his resume was his beach-bike cop show he was insufferable already. The next dancing show he goes on he’ll no doubt insist on doing several awesome back-flips, fox trots with an altered beat and something he only refers to as the funky cosmonaut.
Insufferable we tell you.
To read more see ” Mario: Mr. Torn Torso, Only More So” on E! Online
laura says
Isn’t that the guy from Pet Star?
Snapper Winsten says
He wasn’t Zack, He was A.C. Slater.