Earlier in the year, hecklerspray expressed our amazement at the fact that warbling sausage-in-a-skirt Mariah Carey needed a personal assistant solely to "stop the bottom of her dress from touching the ground."
Surely, we said, that’s just about the most ludicrous and downright stupid demand ever made by an over-privileged celebrity?
Well… not quite. Because we’ve just learnt of an overzealous ‘superstar’ who – during a record signing on Oxford Street yesterday – baffled her assembled fans by employing someone simply to hold a drink to her mouth.
The culprit?
Erm… Mariah Carey.
While signing copies of her latest album The Emancipation Of Mimi – n.b. we loosely use the term ‘album’ in the same way you’d describe a mouldy loaf stuffed with rancid cow guts as a ‘burger’ – Mariah Carey (CDs) was just so damn busy and distracted that she couldn’t handle the complex process of clutching a cup and sipping from it.
Oh no: she simply roped in an assistant to push a straw in between her lips "whenever she felt thirsty".
Ironic, really. As anyone who’s ever heard a Bill Hicks routine will attest, we’re pretty much sure that the only thing that managed to pass Mariah Carey’s tightly-pursed lips on a regular basis was Satan’s throbbing cock.
Funny, that.
Read More:
Carey Stuns Fans With Drink Assistant – Contact Music
[story by C J Davies]
KarterKlipz says
Mariah Carey is insane! How she has achieved the fame that she has amazes me especially with the crap that she puts out.
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What has happened with music shows on TV? Last night’s Billboard Awards was completely and utterly the most horrible show I’ve ever seen. Well , now that I think of it, it’s the 2nd worst show ever. The first would have to be the Vibe Award show.
My goodness, what has happened to talent and showmanship as a prerequisite for calling one an entertainer or artist? What is this crap with some of the so-called “artists” lip-synching with a guide track?
Last night showed some of the worst performances of artists who have insane egos, Gold and Platinum status. How is this? It only goes to show you that with the invention of Protools and other digital software, that anyone can be an artist as long as you don’t have to perform live. If you’re not talented, it will definitely show that you have no talent.
The performances show that talent is definitely not a requirement anymore as is the English language and the ability to read cue cards. Also during the camera wide shots, why were there so many empty seats?
Good points:
I have to say Gwen Stefani, Slim Thug and her backup band (big-ups on the female bassist whose playing and backup vocals were on par.) And thanks for the Gwen Stefani for performing live and well!
Big Props to Kayne West for this Artist Achievement Award for originality, creativity and for thinking his mind.
Jamie Pressly – what a piece of azz. All women of every race should have her body.
Some Good and even Worst Points:
Why does Tom Petty sound so much like Bob Dylan and on this night looked like the 6th Beatle? I’m still glad that he received the Century Award for actually being a great songwriter and musician.
Fantasia – you missed an award for her being the an artist doesn’t know how to read a damn book!
But the kicker in this train wreck was the Fox Announcer whose delivery raised the creep meter levels, higher than Mariah Carey’s tight-ass dress.
This show was so bad that I found more entertainment and heard quality music by watching the Victoria Secret show.
It seems that the people who put on these shows only care for the advertisers and not care about the people at home watching this crap. Oh, I’m sorry, this is the same premise with radio where they only care about the advertisers and payola related events. This may be the reason we hear the same horrible songs on the radio every hour. Billboard, not all of listeners have ADD. Some of us do remember that radio stations have played those same series of songs an hour ago.
Special thanks to LL for trying to hype a bad event and keeping your shirt on.
U R Gay says
so what if Mariah needs someone to hold her cup, shes a diva? the author or so called critic is obviously a puffter who is jealous of succesful artists.
Last time i checked, Mariah had a 7 octave range, wrote and produced her songs from day 1 15 years ago and opened the doors for most female artists in the business today, that counts as talent
jAZZ says
has anyone ever thought that maybe Mariah was busy talking to her fans and signing autographs, she had an absolutely huge amount of people to get through and her people were probably trying to hurry the process along so she wouldn’t have had time to sit there drinking her water. what would you all like her to say to her fans??? “sorry can the whole 9,000,000,000 of you all just wait in the sun while i have a drink please?” (that number was exaggerated by the way) seriously if she had done that then all the critics would be calling her a Diva and saying she doesn’t care about her fans! the critcs just want something bad to say about her! i’d like to hear from one of the fans that was actually there that day and if they really were as baffled by this as the critcs seem to think they are! i highly doubt this is true!
louises says
jazz you are retarded.
because the five seconds required to lift a cup to your own lips is quite obviously enough to stop “9,000,000,00 people” (it was EXAGGERATED? REALLY????? I would never have guessed that!!!) from getting some shit autograph off a crazy woman with quite possibly the screechiest voice on earth?