Is Mariah Carey pregnant? Mariah Carey says “What? Me? Pregnant? Um, I’m, er, hey! Look over there! Balloons!”
Or words to that effect, anyway. We’ve been hearing a few rumours recently suggesting that Mariah Carey and her still husband Nick Cannon have got a baby on the way. And despite her prickly diva reputation, Mariah Carey is only to happy to directly address these rumours.
OK, not completely directly. But Mariah Carey will break into a deep sweat, shuffle awkwardly in her seat, giggle nervously, spout all kinds of tangential gibberish and look around anxiously for someone, anyone, who can put an end to the torture she’s going through if you do happen to ask her about pregnancy. Which, by chance, is exactly what Mariah Carey did on The Ellen DeGeneres Show today.
Despite her fame and fortune, Mariah Carey has dealt with no end of terrible periods in her life. She’s had an enormous wibbling mental breakdown, she’s been involved in a marriage so miserable that she used to fantasise about being kidnapped and she’s performed a duet with Westlife. All horrible, awful, unthinkable things to have to deal with.
So Mariah Carey deserves some happiness in her life. And if she wants that happiness to come in the form of a tiny screaming poo-machine that’s both massively expensive and eternally ungrateful, then so be it.
Ever since Mariah Carey got married to Nick Cannon earlier this year, after knowing him for appromixately a third of a second, she’s had babies on her mind constantly. This is either because Mariah Carey is full of love just waiting to be unleashed onto a new life, or because she heard that babies totally fit into that new chichi Prada handbag, but we suppose the motivation isn’t that important at the moment.
The point is, Mariah Carey might actually be pregnant now. She might not be, of course, but the low-level nervous breakdown that Mariah Carey had on The Ellen DeGeneres Show the instant that the topic of pregnancy was brought up would suggest that she’s either pregnant or needs to get a repeat prescription for her nutty pills.
To begin with, Mariah Carey was only too happy to talk about the state of her pregnancy, but then – in a stroke of something dazzling close to genius – DeGeneres brought out the champagne and the brought on Mariah’s terrified wibblefit. MTV reports:
Mariah then gave her a whole slew of excuses, other than being pregnant, for not drinking the bubbly. “It’s just fattening!” she said. “This is peer pressure! … It’s too early for me. I only drink after 3 p.m.” You can’t blame Ellen for trying. “No, let’s toast to you not being pregnant,” she ventured. Mariah, who only pretended to sip her champagne, wasn’t down for that sort of toast either.
Mariah Carey should know that shifty behaviour like that is only going to spur on more pregnancy speculation, but let’s give her the benefit of the doubt – maybe Mariah Carey really does believe that champagne is fattening and she really doesn’t drink before 3pm.
If that’s the case, then we completely blame Ellen DeGeneres for not getting a definitive pregnancy statement out of Mariah Carey. Champagne was clever, but not foolproof. Ellen needed a follow-up scheme to really chase Mariah down. So we don’t know if Mariah Carey is pregnant for sure at the moment, but we definitely would if Ellen had thought to try any or all of these lines…
“Cigarette?”
“Let’s have a punching each other in the stomach competition!”
“You know what I think we should do right now? Eat raw hotdogs in a sauna!”
“Why do we see who can hide this unfolded coathanger up their own body the fastest!”
Oh Ellen. That Pulitzer Prize will never be yours unless you buck your ideas up.
Morgan says
You are pathetic.
souris says
>
MARIAH CAREY IS MY LIFE says
FUCK U PATHETIC ASSHOLE WHO EVER WROTE DIS ARTICLE CLEARLY U DONT KNO SHIT BOUT MC SO FUCK OFF AND FIND SOMETHING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR TIME COS U DONT NEED TO PUR SHIT ON MC.
I DONT NEED TO SAY ANYMORE
COS U KNO MARIAH CAREY IS BETTER THAN YOU.
MARIAH CAREY FAN FOR LIFE I LOVE HER TILL DEATH.
irish gemini says
Mariah is a puffy face idiot that has been going through a midlife crisis since she was 27yrs old. Singing cheesy tiny bopper songs, dressing like a 40yr old stripper from the 80’s whose self esteme is dependent on if 20yr old guys still want to screw her and a delussional hope that 20yr old girls are jealous of how much more sexy she is than they are.
I can’t stand her lisping, chicken lipped, googly eye batting, “look at me I am young and sexy honest” ass.
BC says
I’m moving on from here…bunch of sad unhappy people.
Yesindeed says
Irish Gemini you are a pretty sad sort. You evil side must have taken over to describe your nice puffy faced stripper, cheesy, delusional, lispy, chicken lipped and googley eyed side. Cause Mariah is fantastic and so much happier than you are.