More and more, it seems like Mariah Carey is hammered all the time … with the constant champagne glass in her hand and vapid, glazed smile on her face.
In just the last few days, she has posted nearly a dozen photos of herself on Instagram and/or Twitter … and, in most of them, she looks seriously fucked up. Cheers, Mimi!
In a few of the photos, it’s possible that she’s just really happy … but my money is on fucked up. Not that I’m judging. I whole-heartedly believe that all adults should be required to drink at least one bottle of champagne a day. Two on weekends. It’s startling, however, that someone with her level of fame and who seems to be so obsessed with her appearance would choose to distribute photos of herself looking like Boozey McShit-Faced to her nearly 10 million followers. Well, at least she didn’t post nudes of herself.
Let’s begin with the photo she posted on Easter Sunday. In it, Mariah is wearing her Sunday-finest, strapless, frothy pink mini-dress with sunglasses and bunny ears, holding a glass of champagne, as she perches precariously/idiotically atop her husband, the wistfully hen-pecked Nick Cannon. Nick is wearing what appears to be a Mad Hatter costume, complete with the pink nose and fake teeth … honestly, he looks like a total ass, but you have to sympathize with this man. He’s being a good sport, playing along with the insane whims of his much-more-talented-and-famous wife. But look closely at his eyes. They’re begging: “Help me, Nicki Minaj. You’re my only hope.”
Rewind a few days. Mariah celebrated her 43rd birthday last week … though instead of calling it her birthday like a normal person, she calls it her anniversary, because she’s a fucking fool. She celebrated with Nick, their twins (Twitter tag: #dembabies), and presumably a big bottle of something. The photo speaks for itself. Mariah’s drunk. Nick is really trying hard. And the adorable kids have no idea what’s going on.
In addition to his balls on a platter, Nick gave Mariah a restored 1902 Steinway piano as a birthday … excuse me, anniversary … gift. For most people, a pretty amazing gift, though for a diva of her proportions, it’s probably the equivalent of new socks to a regular person. Again, in the photo, Mariah appears to be seriously fucked up, possibly in the process of passing out. And poor Nick. He’s like: “Someone … whoever is taking all these ‘family fun’ photos of us … please get this dead weight off of me. Please.”
In addition to being indisputably one of today’s best vocalists, Mariah is iconic and gorgeous. Hopefully, and on more simpler terms, she is also happy, fulfilled, blah blah blah. There have been reports in the past of her appearing to be a few sheets to the wind … on HSN, accepting at the People’s Choice Awards, in extremely bizarre videos celebrating Christmas a few weeks late, to name just a few … and that’s all fine. Personally, I love it. I just wonder if her publicist might consider intervening on the social media, instituting a delay or an pre-approval process, if only for the sake of Nick, that poor cuckolded bastard.