Jonah Falcon is not terribly handsome (that’s him there, to the right). Nor does he?give the impression of being particularly?bright or charming or talented. He does, however,?have one rather sizable claim to fame. Jonah has an absolutely?massive MASSIVE dick.
Nine?inches limp and 13.5 inches hard, to be exact. Or as Jonah describes it “longer than my forearm and bigger than my wrist.? As far as I’m aware, there’s no official word on the size of his balls … but just think about those dimensions for a moment.
While porn seems the most obvious route, Jonah has been clear in the past that he’s not interested in it. Good for him. Way too much dignity. But when you have such an impressive beast in your pants, you have to find some way to profit off of it.
A lifelong music-lover, Jonah decided to exploit his giant bulge to jump-start his music career and has created, along with musician/comedian Adam Barta,?one of the?most horrible songs that you’ll ever hear.?The video for the song, called “It’s Too Big,”?features a chubby and rather pathetic Jonah awkwardly bopping to the beat,?while alternately flaunting his big business in tight pants and bike shorts. Throughout the video, he?appears to have?traces of a?Kool Aid mustache.
The song has truly brilliant lyrics, including:
“It's true I’ve got a big one. It's the biggest one around. If you're lucky I can show it off and you can go to town.”
There’s even a brief rap interlude!?While Jonah admits that it’s a “novelty song,” he also believes that it’s high quality.
“There are a lot of people who say that it's catchy. Some people say it's Pet Shop Boys-like. … If the lyrics weren’t about my dick, you could easily hear Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber singing it.?
Lest you worry that Jonah is exploiting his frankly quite vile?body for fame, rest easy … he’s a step ahead of you.?He?does harbor some sadly misguided dreams of?a legitimate artistic career … and while those dreams still have a phallic bent, Jonah isn’t giving into the temptation of porn.
“I'm working on other stuff, I can't really talk about it right now. A major studio is talking to me about a starring role. … I'm making sure there's a full-frontal scene in it, but it will be sort of like the hook. People will come in for that and come away with something else.”
Jonah understands, though,?that he can’t limit himself and rest on his giant dick as if it were a bicycle kickstand, and makes the following bittersweet promise:
?I'm not going to do another [song about my big dick] for a very long time.?
Jonah Falcon says
If you say so.
Quan says
dumb ass, use your dick and make something of yourself in porn, then if you wanna make an ass out of yourself with music @ least you can ACTUALLY make money
Stupid fuck..yup you was given all that wood and your fat..Porn is your only option, ask ron Jeremy