Madonna Tells Vogue “Gor Blimey, I’m The Lady Of The Bleedin’ Manor”

Madonna loves to change her image. She’s been a young teen rebel, a slightly scary oversexed floozy, the wife of the Argentinean President and a terrible, terrible actress. Now she’s ready to reveal her latest look.

In the forthcoming issue of Vogue magazine, Madonna reveals herself to be the lady of her English manor. And she’s bleedin’ well chuffed.

Gone are the simulated sex acts with black priests. Gone are the
pictures of her showing her minge off to Naomi Campbell. Gone are all
the swearwords - except for at Live 8, of course. And in their place is
the new Madonna (CDs), a middle-aged woman in a cardy that likes to shoot
animals. The Queen would be proud.

She’s been married for five years to pretend cockney film director
aristocrat Guy Ritchie, and they’ve both settled down to live in their
1,000 acre Wiltshire country estate to raise her children Rocco and
Lourdes.

Revealing that she wears sensible shoes and feeds chickens all day,
Madonna tells Vogue "To me, Ashcombe is a reflection of me and my
husband in many ways,
because it reflects our willingness to make a commitment."

She adds "The last thing I thought I would do is marry some laddish, shooting,
pubgoing nature lover — and the last thing he thought he was going to
do was marry some cheeky girl from the Midwest who doesn’t take no for
an answer!" Which, as far as we can tell, means "Guy Ritchie is the luckiest cockney in the world".

Just so long as he stops making rubbish films for her to star in, that is.

The August issue of Vogue is out on Thursday.

[story by Stuart Heritage]