I’ve been sticking by the MTV VMAs for more than twenty years, but last night was the last fucking straw for me. First of all, both “This is America” by Childish Gambino and “Apeshit” by Beyonce and Jay-Z were nominated for Video of the Year. Both were visually stunning and politically relevant, plus both those songs are fucking dope. But you know what won Video of the Year? Motherfucking “Havana” by Camilla Cabello.
That might seem like the straw that broke the MTV VMAs back, but Camilla beating Gambino and the Carters wasn’t even the stupidest part of the night. The dumbest part of the whole show? When MTV decided to let Madonna do a tribute to Aretha Franklin. And since Madonna is apparently now Lady Donald Trump, she made the entire tribute about herself.
Madonna walked out on stage looking like she plans on auditioning for the roles of both the witch in the new Blair Witch Project, and the troll in Ernest Scared Stupid 2 (do I make too many Ernest Scared Stupid references or just the right amount?) and proceeded to pay tribute to the recently deceased Queen of FUCKING SOUL, Aretha Franklin…aka spend several minutes talking about her struggles to make it as a sexy white woman in America. Mmmmhmmmm.
So, ol’ troll witch Madonna comes out on stage and a big pic of Aretha pops up behind her. Then, Madonna starts her little speel:
Aretha Louise Franklin changed the course of my life,” she began. ‘I left Detroit when I was 18 with $35 in my pocket. My dream was to make it as a professional dancer. After years of struggling and being broke, I decided to go to musical theatre. I heard the pay was better.
She then went on about how she was asked to sing a song at the audition and, not having prepared anything, blurted out Franklin’s classic (You Make Me Feel Like A) Natural Woman.
None of this would have happened, could have happened, without our lady of soul. She led me to where I am today. And I know she influenced so many people in this house night. In this room tonight. And I want to thank you, Aretha, for empowering all of us.
Madonna then talked for several minutes about her own career, struggle and songs before just deciding to ruin the show even more by giving Video of the Year to CAMILLA FUCKING CABELLO.
Naturally, people were like: what.the.actual.fuck? Who, other than Donald Trump, makes a tribute to someone else all about themselves? We really shouldn’t be surprised that it was Madonna.
After all the backlash, Madonna has clapped back and said her speech wasn’t meant to be an official Aretha tribute, but, like, bitch you walked out on stage with an Aretha picture behind you and the first words out of your mouth were “Aretha Louise Franklin”, so don’t come at me with a “this wasn’t a tribute” just because you fucked it up. I might not be as old as your creepy looking ass, but I wasn’t born yesterday.
This is Aretha up in Icon Heaven right now: