Madonna is said to be considering getting married to her 22-year-old partner, Jesus Luz. Yes, you heard us.
In a series of rather comical coincidences – that you could not make up unless you were hell-bent on being labelled a heathen – the queen of the baby-snatchers is rumoured to wish to marry her child boyfriend.
Not that we’re judging, mind you. This is ruddy Madonna we’re talking about. Let’s face it, short of long-division, there’s nothing that she cannot do. Except wear trousers. And not grind her hip bones into a fine powder, as she dry humps her dancers in every video.
Madonna currently has five children; her two biological ones Lourdes and Rocco, and her two adopted kids Mercy and David. Then there’s the fifth. Jesus. Whom no one seems to realise must be some other child she adopted. We’ve read somewhere he’s supposed to be her boyfriend, but that’s just silliness if ever we heard it. Jesus is clearly still a child, and he actually appears to be shaving off peach fuzz each morning, in lieu of something rugged-looking that more closely resembles facial hair.
Well, whoever Jesus is, he and his non-mother are about to break a taboo or twenty, according to rumours. News has resurfaced this week claiming that Madonna wants to marry Jesus, with whom she enjoys her first relationship – of sorts – since she divorced an adult male by the name of Guy Ritchie.
One can assume that wedding rumours have come to light, once more, as Madonna is no longer shy about being seen in public with a man less than half her age. Where they used to arrive and leave certain events separately, they are now always arm-in-arm. That’s no real surprise though – as it’s only polite for a nice young man to escort an elderly woman up and down pesky steps in such a manner. We kid, we kid.
The two are now all about being out in the open. Madonna even put Jesus in her new music video for Celebration. The title track of her greatest hits album. The video for which features another of her children, daughter Lourdes.
From the Daily Mail:
Madonna is preparing to marry her toyboy lover Jesus Luz, according to reports. The 51-year-old singer is lining up to defy critics of her nine-month relationship with the young Brazilian model and make him the next Mr Madonna before the end of the year.? The extraordinary claim came from a biographer of Madonna?s, Randy Taraborrelli. She reportedly said of Luz: ?He's so sweet. He checks in with me all the time. I probably should do the same, but you know me. I think he gets it now that I'm a little – shall we say ?self-involved.?
This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, who is all kinds of aces.
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melanie says
what’s the big deal? old men marry young women all the time.
Jordasche Bledsoe says
From a senior home to a nursery, I love it.
gazza says
Madonna is much more creepy than old folks. Poor baby Jesus…
magnetite says
Jesus’ mum prepares him for his date with Madonna
“Have you got your kneepads on, Jesus?”
“Yes, mum.”
“Have you got your elbow pads, wrist protectors, gloves, shinpads, stab vest, helmet and gum shield in place?”
“Awww, mum!”
“Have you?”
“Yes, mum.”
“Then go gor it son. Just remember to avoid kissing anything pointy; only stick your cock in the wet bits – and gor God’s sake, don’t put it anywhere near her mouth. That’s the worst part. It’s where the singing comes out of.”
“Yes, mum.”
“Good luck, son. If you don’t come back, I’m giving your iPod to your brother. He’s always wanted it.”