Tuesday 30th November. At 3.30pm reports of a ?suspect package? in London?s Hammersmith started appearing on the internet. Possible bombs in the nation?s capital have never been comedy gold, so we wouldn't normally mention it were it not for the fact that it all ended happily ? except for the foolish bugger who left his luggage unattended ? and that the whole incident was covered minute-by-minute by troglodyte comedian Bill Bailey.
That's right. Not Sky News, who normally LIVE for potentially bloodthirsty, fear-mongering fodder like this. Not the BBC, but cave-dwelling king of whimsy Bill Bailey, who for three hours selflessly gave the world live updates via Twitter from his office at the scene.
And also gave the world three hours off from his increasingly wearisome jokes about ?orcs? and ?klingons?.
You heard us. The entire crisis received world-class news coverage from a bewildered comedian who resembles Captain Caveman?s dad.
At roughly 3.30pm Bill tweeted
‘suspect package incident’ in Hammersmith- cops akimbo – we’ve been coralled indoors. Will keep you posted
Followed shortly after by the deeply unamusing news
Loud explosion heard at end of Ham/smith Grove – streets still empty
Fortunately it turned out to be a controlled explosion and that the threat was in fact minimal to non-existent.
Throughout all this, Bill valiantly kept the world up-to-date with the progress of the bomb squad, the sniffer dogs and which taxi offices were still open before declaring it ?all clear?.
None of which we can really rip into, as ? if it had been us on the scene ? we?d have been hiding under our desks shaking like a shitting dog.
What have we learnt from this? For starters, the astonishing news that Bill Bailey has an office, which just seems weird.
And that the world has obviously gone stark staring bonkers.
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Tom J says
Another innocent briefcase blown to bits by Her Majesty’s finest. I swear they just like blowing shit up.