Ever get the impression that we’re in the worst period of music in mankind’s history? It’s all beige schmindie, stadium turdrock, predictable dubstep and, worse still, maudlin drip-hop like James Blake and the latest sweetheart, Lana Del Rey.
In the case of the latter, everyone is busy pretending that they like her music for what it is (they say ‘beautiful’, we say ‘Sneaker Pimps b-side’) when really, they just like jerking off over pictures of her.
And her next single, Born 2 Die, will have the masturbators in a frenzy when they hear Lana sing the line “let me fuck you hard”. And yes, you can hear it over the jump and start fiddling in your trousers LIKE NOW.
Lana Del Rey (real name, Lizzy Grant) has revealed that her next single will be called Born 2 Die and, to be perfectly honest, having heard it, a huge chunk of our insides wished it was already dead.
Seriously. This is music so boring that there’s a chance your ears will fold themselves inside your head in a bid to listen to something more interesting, like your fading heartbeat as your very constitution wills itself into oblivion.
BUT HEY! DON’T LET THAT PUT YOU SAPS OFF!
You can still have a trouser fumble while she sings “Let me fuck you hard in the pouring rain, you like your girls insane.”
It’s like that meme that’s been going ’round isn’t it?
“Give me a blowjob.”
“How romantic.”
“Okay, give me a blowjob in the rain.”
Anyway, if you’re curious or stupid, here’s Lana Del Rey singing Born 2 Die. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it
Dubstep??? says
Predictable dubstep? A neat reduction of the utter root-and-branch regeneration of dance music currently happening in London and Berlin. Check untold, Pearson sound, machinedrum, rustie, joy o, Instra:mental, synkro, mosca… and tell me if you’re still bored.
Dubstep? says
Oh and ‘video games’ is clearly a pretty awesome and rather affecting (even if affected) song. So there.
Arsed of Tumbridge etc says
“Video Games” was fine. This is the same without that nice chord that you think is going to be the other one, but it isn’t, it’s a surprise chord. I liked that bit. This song doesn’t have that, and it’s less good as a result in my opinion. I don’t fancy her much, either.
SURPRISE CHORD!