2010 is going to be a big year for Lil Wayne – it’ll be when he learns to make knives out of toothbrushes.
Or something. Lil Wayne’s probably going to jail. That was our point. Yesterday Lil Wayne pleaded guilty to felony gun possession, and as a result he’s expected to receive a one-year jail sentence.
It’s sad, but it’s important to focus on the positive in times like these – maybe this experience will allow Lil Wayne to progress as an artist. Sure, he’ll enter jail as Lil Wayne – but he’ll leave it as Wayne With The Cold Dead Eyes Of A Man Who’s Seen Too Much. See? It’s not so bad.
When you’re a rapper, there are certain things expected of you. You should bring out your own range of champagne, for example, and that champagne should taste like it’s the product of a dehydrated buffalo urinating through a rusty pipe even though a glass of it costs more than your house. And your album artwork should look like it was designed by a remedial 12-year-old Photoshop student whose only exposure to popular culture involved watching 38 seconds of Scarface through three layers of gauze two years ago. And you should be allowed as many guns as you can safely carry.
But tell that to the courts. Back in 2007, police officers found a .40-calibre semi-automatic gun on Lil Wayne’s tour bus. Not so bad, you might think – after all, there was a time when barely a day would pass without some sort of weapon turning up in Snoop Dogg’s car, and we heard that Coldplay routinely use their tour bus to shoot puppies in the balls with bazookas – but apparently it was quite bad. Because yesterday Lil Wayne pleaded guilty to felony gun possession, to which the punishment is a year in jail. MTV reports:
The rapper will be sentenced to one year in prison as a part of his plea deal and must also give up his passport. Wayne quietly told the judge yes when asked if he understood the terms of the plea he was making. Asked what type of gun he possessed, Wayne said, “A .40-caliber semi-automatic… Wayne will be sentenced in February 2010 and is expected to serve eight to 10 months, assuming good behavior.
Good behaviour? No no no, that won’t do at all. Lil Wayne has a reputation to uphold – how will the hip-hop community react if it finds out that he’s been behaving in an acceptably satisfactory way? No, Lil Wayne must resign himself to acting like a tosspot from the moment he sets foot in jail, or else he runs the risk of being less cool than Foxy Brown.
Not that jail should worry Lil Wayne, though – all his fans will still be waiting for him when he’s released. And, if anything, an extended period of absence might even make people miss his unique style of guitar playing.
Actually, no, that’s ridiculous. Nobody could ever miss that. Sorry.