It’s that time of year again, when Leona Lewis emerges from the woodwork to release a series of uninspiring ballads. Lewis, or ‘Ballad in a Ballgown’ as I lovingly call her, is one hell of a singer. The only problem is, she’s boring as sin and therefore not a very good celebrity. If she wants to grab headlines, she’s got to ditch the meaningful ditties and start singing about ‘da club’ over a thumping bassline.
If you are not aware of Leona Lewis, which is entirely possible considering her coyness, introduce her. Lewis entered the UK version of?The X Factor?in 2006, easily making it to the final and beating cheeseball Ray Quinn to become champion. The next year, she released her debut single to massive success. ‘Bleeding Love’, which I still maintain is about menstruation, topped the chart in both the US and the UK. Her album, Spirit achieved similar success; which no doubt made Leona smile, rather than celebrate by taking a lot of intravenous drugs.
Since then, it’s become kind of a tradition for Lewis to come out once in a while with an emotional cover of a recognisable song. So far, she has ruined Snow Patrol’s ‘Run’, Oasis’ ‘Stop Crying Your Hear Out’ & ‘Hurt’ by Johnny Cash. You can’t just take any song, slap on a piano playing minor chords, and release it as a single, Leona? The world doesn’t operate like that.
On the other hand, her original songs are equally insipid. Take, for instance, the lead single from Leona’s second album; ‘Happy’. With a title like that, you might expect the song to be the tale of Leona finally becoming happy after ridding herself of terrible ballads and writing an amazing pop song.
Well, you’d be wrong. ‘Happy’ is the same old shit. The song isn’t about Leona being happy – God forbid – but about the desire to become happy. Essentially, she’s still fucking sad. Give me a break.
Last year, we were given a glimmer of hope. Just when I’d accepted the fact that she was always going to be mind-numbingly depression, Leona came out with something different. ‘Collide’ isn’t exactly a dance tune, but its thumping bass line makes a made a nice change from what came before it. It even came with its very own controversy, which is a first for our girl. See, she’s looking more interesting already.
As soon as the track premiered in July 2011, Swedish DJ Avicii (he released that terrible tune ‘Levels’ earlier this year) noted its exact similarities to one of his own songs. Lewis’ label stated that they had permission to use the sample, but Avicii denied ever having known anything about it. In the end, the record company gave in and gave the DJ a ‘featuring’ credit on the song.
Now, this is a step in the right direction for Ms Lewis. She needed a hook; something to make her stand out from the crowd. She can be the artist that just steals other people’s songs. That’s her hook. On the other hand, I doubt she has any say in the selection of songs for her album. She probably just sings when she’s told to and somebody else does the rest.
All of my hopes of an interesting Leona were dashed this weekend. On her triumphant return to?The X Factor?stage, she looked amazing and gave a sensational vocal performance. What’s the problem there, you ask? SHE SANG ANOTHER FUCKING BALLAD. That’s correct, her next song is another break-up ballad with uplifting lyrics. I don’t even have the words to process this. Leona, you have no idea how much of a disappointment you are. Now get out of my sight.
Cynthia says
I’m glad it’s not just me. Leona Lewis is beautiful to look at but terrible to listen to. Reading this makes me miss Amy Winehouse even more.
Joe says
WTF!? The song is a mid-tempo, not a ballad, features rapper Childish Gambino, and the lyrics are about trying to get out of a relationship– not at all uplifting. How about you listen to the actual song before criticizing it! And using your logic, ballads = boring, dance = good. That’s pretty simplistic and narrow minded!
John says
This is nothing but a ridiculous opinion from a closed-minded person who obviously has no idea what real music is. She’s perfectly happy doing what she’s doing & she’s not going to change her style because you wrote this judgmental article. Don’t be so mad at the world bro, it’s ok to smile :)
Tony says
You complete waste of space, just because she doesn’t dance around half naked singing about drugs you think she’s boring.
By the way ‘trouble’ isn’t a ballad it’s a mid tempo tune. A great song at that.
So if she fell out of clubs drunk and wore tassels on her tits you would like her? You Pratt ….
amy says
You’re a shit journalist, you’re clearly deaf in what I have read, her ballads are fucking amazing and Leona doesn’t give a care in the world if someone finds her boring. So stop sobbing in a tub of ice-cream because she’s “boring” and find an actual celebrity who is boring like Kim Kardashian.
Tony says
Hilarious top comment about missing Amy wine house? What a drugged up alcoholic who took her career for granted and felt sorry for herself 24/7. She was a waster who didn’t deserve a music career. I’d do anything to be rich and successful and people who take advantage of their success by taking drugs and drowning their sorrows in alcohol deserve to get what’s coming to them. Leona is beautiful and has an amazing voice – just because she isn’t Amy wine house does not make her boring you twat.
Lauri says
Hey, Ross Semple: Stop being so goddamn ridiculous
Jumi says
Leona is so boring. She doesn’t have variation in her music. Its the way she covers other people songs that igs me. The person who wrote this article was kind. I blame Simon Cowell