Leona Lewis was attacked at a booksigning event yesterday, and this has raised some important questions.

Like how did it happen? Was there enough of a security presence? Why on Earth would anyone stand in line for five hours just so that they can hit Leona Lewis on the side of the head? Haven’t they got anything better to do? Do people actually care enough about Leona Lewis to attack her? What the hell is Leona Lewis doing writing a book anyway? What’s it called, My Year And A Bit Of Being The World’s Dreariest Pop Star?

All important questions. None of them will be answered below.

The world is still reeling from yesterday’s news that Leona Lewis was struck in the side of the head during a booksigning event in London yesterday. We’ll just dive in with People’s report of the incident:

Lewis, 24, had been signing autographs at the bookstore for about 90 minutes when “a guy came up and punched her to the side of the head.” Though she didn’t need to go to the hospital, Lewis was “understandably badly shaken,” her spokesman says. According to an eyewitness at the store, “[the attacker] walked up there with the book, she signed it and, as she looked up, he just punched her.”

Shocking, isn’t it? Someone actually has enough of an opinion about Leona Lewis to summon the energy to punch her in the head. That’s just wrong.

No details have been released about the attacker yet, so we don’t know if he planned to hit Leona from the moment he joined the queue or if it was a spur of the moment decision based on a nagging suspicion that her book had been thrown together by a professional ghostwriter. All we do know is that the attacker is lucky that he that he didn’t try and approach Leona Lewis from behind, because he would have probably ended up being kicked in the teeth. In some lights, you see, Leona Lewis can look a little bit like a horse. That’s what we were trying to get at.

Nevertheless, the attack must have been terrifying for Leona, and it seems certain that she’ll beef up her security from now on as a precaution. It’s such a shame – everyone knew that Leona Lewis wanted to be Whitney Houston, but that didn’t mean we wanted her to identically copy the plot of the movie The Bodyguard. It’s just not a very good movie.

Similarly, it’ll be interesting to see how this attack will affect the celebrity autobiography trade. Let’s hope it doesn’t put anyone off – because if it stops Jamie Afro or Joe Pasquale or the third one in from the left out of Loose Women from telling their boring life story to a disinterested ghostwriter who’ll pad it out into a generic 500-page indentikit book that only idiots would buy, there’ll be hell to pay. You hear us? Hell to pay.

The attack on Leona Lewis just goes to show the dangers of winning a show like X Factor, doesn’t it? Your increased profile means that there could be any number of nutters out there just waiting to punch you in the face as hard as they can.

Sort of makes us wish that we’d voted for Ray Quinn, really.

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