There are two ways of summing up Leona Lewis.
As the majority of people know, she is the only real winner of X Factor who has released a string of hits and hasn't had to resort to gigging in Butlins. On the other hand, she is devoid of a personality, doesn't do anything, looks like a horse and could give you the same level of conversation as a plastic bag.
After sucking on the musical teat of Simon Cowell, Leona has pretty much shunned the UK to be over glossed and Americanised. We rarely hear from our favourite cockney reality show wailer. However, it comes as a surprise to hear that she’s spoken to someone outside her circle of arse-licking minders. Leona only bloody went and talked to a tramp!
Tramps are a breed of people that are loathed by the public. Even Mexicans are appreciated a little bit more then the homeless. All they do is nag you for money for a cup of coffee or a sandwich. If they were at least being honest and said they were going to use the money for heroin or cheap cider, we?d hand over some spare change. But liars get nothing. Fibbing tramps will always get told to piss off.
Because Leona Lewis is a global superstar, you'd expect her entourage to plan her movement 70 hours before she steps out into the real world. Of course, there?d be nothing offensive in her way. It could cause her to literally fall over, cry and realise that she's living in a make belief bubble that the majority of the world don't live in.
How she encountered one of human nature’s greatest mistakes if beyond us. Surely the streets around her should have been roped off so Leona could wander around in her own world. Obviously, the FBI and CIA couldn't work in time to turn dogpoo into flowerpots and the homeless into marble statues. Those are two of Leona?s favourite things, fact fans. Digital Spy tell us all about her homeless capers:
“She was shopping on Melrose Avenue last week when she spotted it being kept on a lead by a homeless man. She didn’t think life on a lead was any way for a rabbit to live – then when he said he was going to eat it she knew she had to save it.?
At this point, we need to make it clear that the rabbit was one of the cute and cuddly varieties that get ran over by cars. It wasn?t one of the evil-looking contraptions that ladies shove up themselves for seventh-heaven pleasure. Though a crazy tramp waving a vibrator around and proclaiming it as Jesus would have been a much more amusing sight. We?d toss money at it. But Leona has a golden heart and wouldn't let the tramp BBQ it to bunny heaven:
?The tramp apparently offered to sell it for only $20, but she gave him $100 and told him to spend the rest on food.?
Now it's free to roam around in Leona?s company! Perhaps She'll base her second album on the furry creature. Under the working title Happy Fuzzy Wuzzy Cutey Bunny Wunny it’d be a concept album about the life of a rabbit, from eating lettuce and constantly shagging. It'll be available soon featuring eleven soulless songs.
Sunny says
The last rabbit we had chased my dogs, once bit me with his evil little bunny teeth as I fed him. I’d have retrieved a lighter, kindling and a roasting spit so tramp man could go for it.
Perhaps this little fellow will eventually exhibit an example of bleeding love as it gnaws her arm.
Regarding what you speak of 7th heaven – that rabbit I lack familiarity with; or perhaps it’s the terminology. Humorous mental image though.
Martin says
Laidlow: Are your parents brother and sister by chance? That would explain why you are such a fucking retard mong.
Sarah says
I’m going to have to side with the tramp – rabbit is delicious.
peter says
Leona is a great artist, singer, model, you name it…she is a true talent and British people should be very proud of her instead of bringing her down like you! she is spectacular. stop being such a miserable bastard…
Derrick says
I’m sure the ladies are just lining up to get a shot at you.