Last night was the biggest night in Hollywood: The Academy Awards. I’ve been watching this shit for nearly 20 years and every Oscars ceremony typically has a theme; this year, they decided to go with Hollywood Racism! Embracing the whole #OscarsSoWhite issue that everyone has been talking about since the nominees were announced, host Chris Rock and basically the entire production of the show spent the entire 40 million hours it ran reminding you just how racist Hollywood is.
I’m sure the same uppity white folk who were pissed about Beyoncé’s new music video are going to be pissed about the Oscars, saying the jokes and racial talk made them feel excluded and uncomfortable, but I’m not even really sure why those people even watch the Oscars. Bitch, if you think Chris Rock’s jokes about racism make you uncomfortable there is NO WAY you sat through Spotlight or enjoyed the feminist action film, Mad Max: Fury Road, both of which killed it last night.
Before I get into the Oscars and discuss Chris Rock’s opening monologue, I would really like to point out that on my blog about Kesha someone commented “A non white person clearly wrote this.” Why? Because I think a lot of white folks act crazy about stupid shit and that racism is a huge fucking problem in the states? I will have you know that I am so white I am borderline Gwenyth Paltrow. I’m a suburban mom who loves red wine, Disney channel, and Britney Spears. My favorite karaoke song is “Just Like Jess James” by Cher. Also, I’m blonde now, so, yeah, I’m really fucking white. But Lil’ Kim is also my queen, so how about you get off of my dick?
Anyway, let’s move on…
Chris Rock’s opening monologue obviously dealt with the whole lack of racial diversity issues within Hollywood. It was funny, unsettling, and honest, so basically everything it needed to be. Plus, he burned Jada Pinkett Smith, which is awesome because I can’t stand that bitch.
However, how the racial issues were handled wasn’t the only thing that made the Oscars so great this year. Aside from issues of race, Vice President Joe Biden also gave an amazing speech about rape and rape culture when introducing Lady Gaga’s intense performance of “‘Til it Happens To You,” where she was joined on stage by 50 survivors of sexual abuse. Sam Smith won Best Original Song and proudly announced how he was an openly gay man winning an Oscar; the epic feminist action film Mad Max: Fury Road won about a million awards; Spotlight, a movie about the real sexual abuse issues within the Catholic church won best picture, and when Leo FINALLY won an Oscar, killing a million memes, yet spawning a million more, he spoke about the very real problem of climate change. It’s like this years’ Oscars had a check list of important shit going on in the world right now and made sure it addressed all of them.
But let’s be real, race, rape and climate change aside, the most significant thing that happened last night was that Leo finally won that fucking Oscar for The Revenant. I haven’t bothered to see that movie because I live in Newfoundland in Canada, I don’t need to watch a movie about a bunch of people being cold as fuck and having a hard time in the snow (I assume that’s what the movie is about. Leo fights a bear and then has to walk around in the snow a lot. Change the bear to a moose and that’s Canada on a Tuesday).
I didn’t fight any animals this winter, but I did throw my back out shoveling and get stuck in a snow squall while driving to the liquor store, but no one gives me a fucking Oscar.
Also, why has everyone been so butt hurt about Leo needing to win an Oscar, like he’s been waiting so fucking long? Dude is like 40. Peter O’Toole had like a hundred nominations and never won until they gave him an honorary Oscar like an hour before he died. Christopher Plummer was like 83 when he first won, yet everyone was like “Poor Leo, I hope he wins this year, he’s been waiting forever.” Leo is still a young man by Hollywood standards who makes millions of dollars and bangs a different Victoria’s Secret model every weekend. And, according to memes, he spends his free time drunkenly running around having water gun fights. I really don’t think not having an Oscar yet was ruining his life. I mean, I like him and I’m glad he won, I guess, but people need to calm down.
Then again, Leo has his Oscar finally, so I guess we can all sleep at night.
justin_760 says
God they completely ruined it, I mean come on there’s no need to beat a dead horse. I guess its the reverse-psychology approach where confronting the elephant in the room in a grandiose and obnoxiously excessive manner via humor will kill the discomfort. However for me, its ridiculous because hey maybe that year there weren’t any good black actors or maybe they coincidentally didnt get nominated. This is why racism will never cease to exist, because people who have been persecuted absorb the role of victim or underdog, and then their perception is altered, and they will see things others dont and things that maybe arent there. This is not to say racism doesnt exist in Hollywood…
Its been shown that racism isnt a cognitive prenotion but an actual biological implication: and the related behavioral traits in humans that is responsible for racism is literally coded in our genes. Its why people LITERALLY have facial recognition brain processes that can recognize those of their same race, yet they do not have the same meta-processing type function for recognizing individuals of different races. In rural and indigenous social structures, racism serves as a key function in bonding and interpersonal relationship growth. But in a modern and “sophisticated” society like our country, the need for shallow means of relating to one another shouldn’t be necessary.
I’m on quite a tangent, but I hope at least some people actually read this so they may understand racism is part of life, hoping to eradicate such a thing is like going on a crusade to eliminate negativity and pessimism. Pessimists are said to be disillusioned romantics, whatever the fuck that means, because that is an absurd statement considering pessimism is a HUMAN trait, and is recognizable in every human being that has ever walked this earth including Christ. And the same can be said for racism, because it is a behavioral phenomenon that transcends the bounds of rational thought and is a much more complex and intricate thought process than a simple “prejudice.” Calling someone a racist is a hypocritical statement because no one alive can say they’ve never made a “racist” remark or thought, which in reality is ANY assumption or notion that someone of a specific race obtains a specific character trait or behavioral pattern. Yup, that means even Christ has been a racist, so even if we all strive to be the best we can possibly be it is impossible to avoid the human ability of analytic thought and predictive thinking.