Hecklerspray is sad to announce that our number one celebrity fan, elephant lover and all round user of expletives has been found guilty of a heinous crime against a man of the people.

Lee Ryan was yesterday found guilty of punching taxi driver Naeem Ibrahim in the head. In a rare show of kindness, we empathise with our bruv.

Taxi drivers aren’t the best people in the world; they have their own highway code and ignore everyone else. But lamping one is a slightly wrong. At best, tip some garlic mayo from your kebab on the seat and run off after paying your fare. That’s what we’d do. We’re not the violent types. All our arguments are settled over a game of chess and glass of port.   

Sadly the judge didn’t listen to Lee’s pleas and fined him £500 after a spot of road rage turned into fisticuffs. To us, the working class scumbag, £500 may be a bit hefty. But as Lee nicely mentioned in one of his dyslexic rants to us, he has "more more money then [we] can imagine”. The judge said: 

“I do regard this a situation where you over-reacted to a position you were put in. Although this was in essence an attack upon a vulnerable person that serves the public, I do take into account the injury was minor and appears to have come about as a result of what you did rather than the actual assault itself.” 

The elephant man said: 

"I get a lot of people wanting to fight me but I am not like that. But the judge has made his decision and there's not a lot I can do about that."

Never mind, at least our Lee hasn’t had to go off to prison to spend time with Big Fred and One Legged Dave. The experience may have toughened him up and produced a more 'real', urban, street sound. We guess he’ll continue to knock out the ballads. 

At this point, we’d say Lee could go back to his mansion and cook up a gourmet dinner, except he got booted off Hell's Kitchen that time. So he’s probably looking on MySpace at more naked pictures of his fans and picking out which ones to impregnate.

Lee, we still accept your offer of an interview. We’ll give you your chance to say what really happened. Think of us as Martin Bashir and you as Princess Diana or Michael Jackson – depending on your preference.