This alleged affair between LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian has really caught the public’s imagination, hasn’t it?
No. No it hasn’t. And that’s probably down to the fact that if you multiplied all the people in the world who care about LeAnn Rimes with all the people in the world who care about Eddie Cibrian, you’d end up with approximately one person. But that all changes now.
Because now there’s a video of LeAnn Rimes kissing Eddie Cibrian and sucking his finger. Or, to be more accurate, two indistinct grainy blobs jiggling around in a pointlessly nonspecific way. Gotcha, LeAnn!
If you took the world’s greatest novel, changed the setting to modern-day Los Angeles, made the lead characters a hasbeen country singer and a painfully anonymous actor, removed all the fun, suspense and intrigue from it, replaced every word with the word ‘nuh’, painted the cover grey and threw it in a river where nobody could ever read it, it’d more or less be identical to this kerfuffle about LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian.
If you missed yesterday’s story about it, then here’s the two-part recap – PART ONE: LeAnn Rimes has been accused of cheating of her husband with Eddie Cibrian, her co-star in a forthcoming TV movie. PART TWO: The whole thing’s so mind-bogglingly tedious and full of the least famous people on Earth that we don’t even know why we wrote about it once, let alone twice.
However, even though Eddie Cibrian has denied the affair and LeAnn Rimes has sort of denied it, a shocking new revelation has come to light. Well, a new revelation. Well, it’s new. Possibly. Anyway, look, here’s a video that allegedly shows LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian snogging each other over dinner…
Did you see that? Did you SEE that? That bleary grainy blob in what appears to be a hat totally moved about eight pixels closer to the hazily ill-defined grainy blog that may or may not be female! That’s disgusting! Our eyes! There’s… there’s BLOOD COMING OUT OF OUR EYES! Oh LeAnn Rimes, how could you DO this to us?
In case you missed any of the finer details of the video, what with it being unwatchably fuzzy and all, here’s the LA Times with a recap:
Twenty-two seconds into it, US Weekly describes Cibrian arriving at the restaurant. He allegedly takes Rimes’ hand and they walk in the restaurant together. They sit — center left of the frame — and hold hands (36 seconds) and kiss (1:47). At the 2:10 mark, Rimes suggestively sucks on Cibrian’s finger.
Now, even if this is a video of LeAnn Rimes sucking on Eddie Cibrian’s finger, it doesn’t mean that there’s anything funny about it. Maybe he’s been bitten by a viper and she was simply sucking out the poison. Or maybe he wanted her to taste his soup but he didn’t have a spare spoon. Or maybe she accidentally swallowed her car keys and he was searching the inside of her mouth with his hand looking for them.
Or, then again, maybe LeAnn Rimes was suggestively sucking on Eddie Cibrian’s finger. Our point is this: we’d rather throw ourselves under a train than actually bring ourselves to actually care about any of this.
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