Nothing makes Larry King feel young like the smell of a freshly-cleaned divorce court. Actually, that’s a lie.
Nothing makes Larry King feel young. Larry King is very old. But he likes getting divorced anyway, which is just as well given that he’s either a terrible husband or he has terrible taste in women. It’s been announced that Larry King is heading for his eighth divorce, this time from wife of 13 years Shawn Southwick, with both parties citing irreconcilable differences.
That’s easy enough to believe, although it’s worth remembering that ‘irreconcilable differences’ can mean anything. For Larry King, it probably means that his marriage hit a stumbling block so large that it couldn’t be resolved by discussions with his spouse or a detached third party. And for Shawn Southwick it probably just means that she got fed up with feeling like an extra on the set of Cocoon all the time.
To the casual observer, it may seem as if Larry King gets divorced a lot – after all, today’s news that he’s seeking a divorce from his wife Shawn Southwick marks the eighth time that one of his marriages has terminally crumbled. But that isn’t strictly the truth. Take Pamela Anderson, for example. She’s 42 years old and she’s been through two divorces and an annulment – which works out at one failed marriage every 14 years.
Meanwhile Larry King is set for his eighth divorce. Given that he’s actually about 500 years old, that works out at one failed married every 62.5 years. And it doesn’t seem so bad when you look at it like that, does it?
Anyway, Larry King had been with his seventh wife (he married and divorced Alene Atkins twice, which explains the disparity) Shawn Southwick for 13 years, and he fathered two children with her. But now it’s all come to an end, and BBC News will now explain why:
US chat show host Larry King has filed for divorce from his seventh wife citing “irreconcilable differences”. Shawn Southwick, 50, filed her own petition hours later, citing the same reasons. Ms Southwick is seeking spousal support as well as the ownership of the couple’s home in Beverly Hills, California, and two properties in Utah. In his petition, King asks a judge not to award his wife spousal support.
You have to feel sorry for Larry King, don’t you? One suspects that his fondness for divorce is rooted in the unshakable knowledge that he’ll probably outlive anyone he’s ever married to and all of his children. He’s like Bicentennial Man, only a version of Bicentennial Man who looks like he might smell of mothballs and cough mixture.
Still, Larry shouldn’t get too downhearted about his latest divorce. After all, Elizabeth Taylor is still alive and kicking. And sooner or later they’re both going to be statistically the only person on Earth that the other one hasn’t got married to yet. You just can’t deny fate that strong.
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AJ Knight says
Had to LOL a bit reading this. Whoever the writer is, is a genius!
anon says
I lol’d.