Pop quiz, kids. Pencils at the ready…
Question: what do you do to generate buzz about yourself when you are a big-time celebrity who has fallen out of the spotlight, and hasn’t accomplished anything press worthy for quite a while?
Answer: Why, you strike up the most unlikely, brow raising, gag reflex-stimulating romance you can think of, like the one between Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen that seems to be brewing. No, really. It looks as if it's true.
We also would have accepted an answer of ‘ewwwwww’.
When we first heard the rumours of fraternising between 36-year-old Lance Armstrong, and 21-year-old Ashley Olsen, we dismissed them as utter nonsense because our brains simply would not be able to process the idea of these two as a couple. But now the initial rumours seem to have some validity because Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen were seen checking into a SoHo hotel. Now the emergency overload alarms are going off inside our head with a sterile computerised voice counting down T-minus 10 seconds when the entire sector will self-destruct.
Our tendency for the dramatic regarding pointless issues aside, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen were spotted enjoying a cozy evening together last weekend, which included at stop at New York’s trendy Rose Bar and a Broadway show, followed by turning into the Soho House hotel for the night. Oh, and in case you’re confused or happen to care for some reason, Ashley Olsen is not the twin that went to eating disorder camp, or something and dresses like the Derelicht garbage bag-inspired fashion line from Zoolander. No, Ashley has commonly been regarded as the classier, more together of the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen duo. Score!
Actually, it all makes sense that these two would get together because everyone knows that once you’ve defeated cancer, won seven consecutive Tour de France races, and frozen your sperm, the only thing left to do is date an Olsen twin. Doesn’t really matter which one. Ashley or Mary Kate. Just pick one, really. Likewise, it’s only natural for a girl that became a billionaire while in her teens making perky movies and selling sparkly lip gloss with her twin sister to jump to the next echelon of dating and go for way older guys that are likely serving themselves up a hearty serving of mid-life crisis at the moment.
The real question here is what exactly do Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen have in common? Besides the obvious bonds of obscene amounts of money and international fame, that is. Well, we’ll be buggered if all we can come up with is hormones. Lots and lots of hormones. However, we personally like the pocket-sized portability of the elfin Olsen. She would sure fit neatly into the back pocket of Lance Armstrong’s cycling jersey.
Despite whatever fires of love that may be burning now, an ‘insider’ close to Lance Armstrong suggests that next week Lance will be on to someone else. This is probably true. In fact, Lance Armstrong seems to keep getting them younger, from Sheryl Crow, to Ivanka Trump, to Ashley Olsen….
Wow. Stay tuned in the next weeks for the promising encounters of Lance Armstrong and Vanessa Hudgens, Hannah Montana, and Dakota Fanning.