Lana Del Rey has had her whole adult life and creative outlets bankrolled by her insanely wealthy father and, at various points nearly gave it all up because she had to actually work a little to get anywhere. However, thickos on the internet came to the rescue and made her an overnight sensation!
Things were all going to (a carefully executed by a PR company) plan as she readied her new album! She was going to become a superstar! The golden goose had actually delivered!
The key cog would be a performance on Saturday Night Live! Lana would sing, everyone would swoon and rush out to buy her album, learn all the hackneyed lyrics and eagerly await the tour announcement. She opened her mouth to her largest audience yet and… oh dear… she ended up sounding like a cow in labour. The plan was ruined.
And so, the tour which Del Rey was supposed to do has been postponed, thanks to everyone finding out she can’t sing at all.
Her dreadful, near lifeless performance on SNL is squarely being blamed.
Next month, the Video Games singer was supposed to kick off a 30-date tour across America, but alas, thanks to revealing to all that she croons like a whale with it’s dick in a vice, she’s thought it best to call the whole thing off and book some singing lessons, stat.
A source tells the New York Post gossip column Page Six:
“(Lana) and her manager decided to cancel (the tour) after SNL. She was very upset.?They figure it allows time for her to clear her head, then go back to selling tickets. More importantly, they figure the extra time gives them more distance from SNL.”
Of course, THAT SNL PERFORMANCE has already been sent-up by Kristen Wiig (see it here) which, well, almost sticks-up for the tuneless, preening Del Rey, but either way, what happens now is that the singer will now go away,?work on her vocals and come-to-bed-eyes while her management rethinks the live shows and the entire trajectory?of her impossibly orchestrated career.
God, this’ll be tedious.
Kortni says
I can’t be the only one who thinks this one-note lass looks like Natalie Portman after a face transplant, do I?