To be a pop star these days, it isn't as easy as releasing an album, going on tour and doing the occasional interview. Once we realise that selling out arenas around the world is just another of our shattered dreams, we leech on to someone who accomplished their dream and monitor every move they like, proudly clapping every time they do something right.
Therefore, the modern singer has even more pressure mounted on their shoulders.
Lady Gaga pretty much owns the music industry at the moment. From releasing singles that even the most anti pop music fan admits to liking, injecting life back in to music videos and ensuring that live performances are memorable occasions. One strange rumour that has always dogged Lady Gaga is her supposed possession of both male and female genitals.
This tall tale hasn't done anything to harm her success.
Instead she's literally gearing up to the release of her second album by showing us what she really is. And she’s no vagenis, but rather, a big fat motorbike!
Even though the Tranformers films are nothing but a pile of donkey drivel wrapped up in glistening childhood memories complete with a pretty lady for you to lust over, we can only guess that this is the inspiration for Lady Gaga?s artwork for her second album Born This Way. We?d have been more amused if she'd played on the hermaphrodite rumour and had nothing but a giant penis as the cover art, but that probably shows why we don't get many commissions to produce record sleeves.
Because Lady Gaga can literally do anything she wants, we predict that her marketing team are already commissioning five limited edition bikes, resembling the artwork. Lucky winners can then ride around all day before some kid on the estate keys it. It's the sort of feature that could appear on Top Gear where three middle aged men with inappropriate haircuts use IKEA flat pack style instructions to see who could construct something that bares a slight resemblance. You could even incorporate a drinking game in to the mix by predicting when death defying midget Richard Hammond says something vaguely bigoted.
Is there any sexual imagery in the artwork? Not really, clutching at straws, you could argue that Lady Gaga?s mouth is opened wide enough to give you a gobble, though with a full set of teeth on display, she'd quite likely bite your chap clean off. But because she is half machine and half robot, we assume her gob would be used to insert the petrol pump in order fill her up. Though the prudes out there will argue that Lady Gaga is encouraging people to sit on top of her and ride her senseless. Perverts.
Lady Gaga is a trend setter and She'll continue to do so as long as she damn well pleases. If her album cover had been nothing more than her sitting on a couch looking moody with her baps hanging out whilst wearing a floral dress complete with pizza stains and smeared makeup, people would be up in arms, accusing her of losing her creative spark. The Born This Way artwork is something different, so either get over it or start a pointless campaign group to change it on Facebook.
Hopefully we?ll see other artists following copying Lady Gaga, such as Lee Ryan from Blue smashing himself in the head with a toffee hammer and Justin Bieber in a blender.
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Ian Borrmann says
surely if Gaga has small penis,then its a large clitoris,plenty them about