Ladies, imagine that you're eight and a half months pregnant and your husband leaves you for Buffy The Vampire Slayer – chances are your first question would be "The popular Buffy The Vampire Slayer or the rubbish one from the crap film?"
Chances are that if the answer was Sarah Michelle Gellar you'd realise that, yes, your husband was right to leave you for someone as pretty and rich and famous as her – but if you were told that your husband had left you for rubbish movie Buffy Kristy Swanson, then you'd understandably rush right over and beat the shit out her. Or Kristy Swanson would rush over and beat the shit out of you. Either way, the end result would probably be similar to this weekend's events where both Kristy Swanson and the woman whose husband left her for Kristy Swanson when she was pregnant got in a fight that ended up with the police getting involved. The moral of the story is simple – never leave your pregnant wife for Kristy Swanson. But anyone else is probably fine.
Prior to this weekend, anyone trying to compile a list of all the things that Kristy Swanson is good at would have come up a little short. She wasn't that good at being Buffy The Vampire Slayer because she was quickly replaced when the film was made into the far more popular TV show. True, Kristy Swanson had won the reality TV show Skating With Celebrities, but that could well be because her partner was Olympic skater Lloyd Eisler who no doubt put as much energy into training Kristy as he did reportedly having all sorts of illicit unprotected sex with her even though his wife Marcia O'Brien was heavily pregnant with his child. So we guess we could add 'getting pregnant from married men with pregnant wives' to the list of things that Kristy Swanson is good at, too.
And fighting. Kristy Swanson is either really brilliant at fighting or completely hopeless. Which one probably depends upon how you react to the news that she's been both arrested for assault and is pressing charges against Marcia O'Brien for the same thing. People reports:
Skating with Celebrities star Kristy Swanson was arrested late Saturday night for allegedly assaulting the ex-wife of her companion and former skating partner, Lloyd Eisler, Swanson tells PEOPLE. "I had to go the police station where I had an appointment at 9 p.m. to begin the process of being arrested." … Swanson, 37, claims she was attacked by O'Brien in front of Eisler and O'Brien's children. The actress's rep, Michael Sands, says Swanson plans to press charges against O'Brien.
That's about all there is to report. The police aren't commenting on the matter at the moment, so we're just going to see how this all pans out. Who'll come out on top – the former teenage kung-fu vampire murderer or the jilted ex?
Chances are it'll be Lloyd Eisler – not only does he get to see two women fighting over him, but he's also allowed to wear tight-fitting spandex to work every day. Plus he probably doesn't even do that much work any more since he was suspended from coaching for a year after writing sexually suggestive emails to 15-year-old girls. Yup, that Lloyd Eisler is one lucky bastard.
Read more:
Kristy Swanson Arrested In Run-In With Partner's Ex-Wife – People
Relants says
Leaving his wife AND emailing 15-year-olds? If that doesn’ spell trouble I don’t know what
A. Nonny Mouse says
She kicked Marcia’s ass and didn’t even break a nail.
Jennifer says
Swanson and Eisler . . . a couple of skanks
Romeo says
Now, now, let’s be fair – Swanson did very convincely play a talentless, pathetic, has-been blonde bimbo on a recent episode of Law & Order…
Oh wait, she wasn’t really acting, was she? My bad.
Eisler said he was sorry his ex-wife was being so vindictive. I rather suspect his ex is sorry she ever met such a truly pathetic human being. I suspect the parents of that 15-year-old probably feel that way too.
Eisler and Swanson may be good at partnering up for spins on the ice, but their attempts at spinning this story so they look like the wronged party – even ironically if they were! – are falling woefully short. As Jennifer correctly surmized, they’re skanks.