With eyes that look constantly medicated and a mouth seemingly unable to crack a proper, teeth-gnashing smile, Kristen Stewart is not well known for her ability to display emotions. Not that this small matter has stopped her from earning a lot of money from acting, a job that requires fake emotional outpourings.
In a way, she’s an inspiration to us all because, if she can be a successful actress, then you dear reader, can fly to the moon simply by flapping your arms for long enough.
So how do we know what Kristen is feeling? Well, if we lean in and open our ears widely enough, you might just hear her muttering about something in a disaffected manner. This time, she’s cheesed off with all you pricks who constantly follow her around and bother her and her privacy.
If Stewart’s co-star/lover/bore-accomplice Robert Pattinson in R-Patz, then this makes Kristen something like Kristew or K-Stoo or something. As such, Kristoo is one of the most recognisable young people on Earth. Provided you read enough about popular culture that is. There’ll be millions out there who will look at her face and just assume she’s yet another girl sick and tired of printing off her CV and handing it in at American Apparel or Dorothy Perkins in the hope of a part-time job.
However, the public is the last thing this sullen faced drip wants to deal with, as she outlines, yet again, in the new [Insert Whichever Dreary Women’s Magazine It Is Here]
She gripes:
?There's no way to eloquently put this. I just can't go to the mall. It bothers me that I can't be outside very often. And also to not ever be ?some girl? again. Just being some chick at some place, that's gone??
Gah! Imagine that! Imagine not being able to go to a place filled with hideous, farting people, all shuffling around and peering into windows, either stopping suddenly or walking so slowly that you end up devising crude and inventive insults to hurl at them or frankly appalling torture techniques to teach those shits a lesson. Imagine not being able to suffer that.
In addition to this, you are also very wealthy.
So what do you do if you’re a very rich but incredibly boring young person? Drugs? Prostitutes?The organising of death fights between homeless people? No. She wants to invest in the opening of halfway houses to help people better themselves:
?Anytime I hear that somebody?s really rich, the first question is ?Do you do anything with it? Or do you, like, chill? You just sit on it? ? Right now it's the thing I feel most connected to.?
So yep. Prostitutes then.
Maybe she should take her riches and invest in some medicine that you can inject yourself with which results in a vague personality. Wouldn’t that be something?
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Tom says
Haha. You put it so well!
KStew Krew says
Mof…..You Are A Total DICKHEAD.
Am says
LOLZ it must be very VERY sad to be a rich girl that even can kiss rpattz and taylor lautner . You know what Screw? Quit acting and give your money to me, at least i would enjoy it.
Leigh says
Wow, bitter much?? I think she is a wonderfully refreshing young lady. And I couldn’t imagine having to walk in her shoes. Just because of people like you.
JoeMomma says
So she’s Keanu Reeves love child then?
Cookie Monster says
Now, I may not be classic example of a modern beauty, what with blue fur, googly eyes, and a penchant for getting cookie crumbs all over the place, but I shall provide my opinion, as I am want to do, on Krist Stew and Robbie Pantz. Beyond being somewhat dead-eyed, and to charisma what a black hole is to it’s closest friends, I can’t bring myself to find either of these folks attractive. They are firmly in the range of “average”.
His facial profile is somewhat like a wall with a nose and comical chin. I can’t help but to think that with the proper amount of heroin, he’ll morph into a young Joe Perry. She looks like someone who could have been good looking had she not spent her entire life sucking on salty lemons. She is a bit like Alexis Bledel’s twin, if Alexis were Arnold in Twins, and Krist Stew were a sneering Danny Devito.
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2809891840/nm0088127
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2903344640/nm0829576
http://www.twilightseries.ca/robert-pattinson/robert-pattinson-photos-dossier-magazine/
http://www.aeroforceone.com/af1/CMS/joe%20perry%20blog/joebruise1.JPG
Spittin image!
THANK GOD! says
Seriously, poor Mof is about to get an internet bollocking from middle aged women with shitty marriages. They’ve got nothing better to do that troll the internet, harrassing and stalking and generally being unpleasant bitches. Much like their idol.
So glad to see more and more people calling it like it is though. This woman (she’s 20…which legally classifies her as an adult. I say this because you’re going to be inundated with shrewish “BUT SHE’S JUST A CHILD, HOW DARE YOU! comments) is spoiled, sullen and so supremely untalented it’s a wonder she gets any roles at all. I’m so sick and bloody tired of people trying to make me like her by harrassing me or the constant “she’s so aweeeeeeeeeeeesome” articles. I’d be able to ignore her and continue supporting talent worth my time if it wasn’t for this.
Shadow says
I think he knows he’s a dickhead, it’s sort of his “thing” but he sure does speak the truth! ROFL you go boy!
rncrnp says
the new photo of edward and bella is tender and magnificent. this is a serene moment as written in the book. please people , rob and kristen are actors interpreting and and portraying what the written words are from the author. this is not rob and kristen’s display of their personal affection for each other. their chemistry is magic on the screen; and if their personal lives dictate how they portray these characters than so be – let them do their craft of acting.
Cents says
Poor little rich girl. Every interview she does is complaining about the fans and photographers. She hates them both with a passion that rivals Mel Gibson’s fury. Those very fans who fill her bank account by means of watching that Twilight cr@p. Maybe her life really is that boring that all she has to talk about is that and halfway houses.
Jean says
What a hateful ignorant person you are..I think shes a talented pretty young lady..I’d be proud to call her my daughter..she’s so real compared to all the fake Miley Cyrus types these days..no fake tan..boobs or teeth..leave the poor girl alone..go pick on your wife ..mother..or daughter like that..think how her family feels reading the awful things youve wrote about this girl ..you pig.
Rona says
Do you fancy yourself to be a funny writer ? Try some more…but not so hard. Let the talent shine, not effort.
Tina says
Love her, honest,humble and cute. Dreamer. Good luck with your plans , you are beautiful!
Tim says
Miss Stewart is a fine young lady.Wish her well.
Cookie Monster says
My comment was entirely serious, Rona. It hurts that you doubt my sincerity. I can only assume that you imply that I’m “funny” because you have “a thing” with those of the blue tint.
I don’t understand your last sentence. Do you mean that Krist-Patz have talent, and therefore need not expend any effort? I believe that there is ample evidence of a near-vacuum of effort, but I’m not sure that that translates, or is in any way related, to talent. Maybe you meant something else. It is funny, though, that I can picture a director telling Krist-Patz “Try some more…but not so hard… ah, fuck it, it’ll sell… print!”.
LitGeek says
I think I’m in love with you.
NoirlovesCats says
Miss Stewart is a spoiled rotten Valley girl who only works thanks to nepotism.
I see her Krisbians have arrived and are attacking, just like their idol.