Yesterday, we showed you our exclusive image of Tudors star Henry Cavill in his new Superman outfit (very CGI based it seems) and now, there’s a bit of gossip which will either set your heart on fire or make you sigh, wondering why and how the world got to be such a crashingly tedious place.
As you’ve no doubt guessed from the headline (we say ‘guessed’ – we actually mean ‘read and processed information’), the leading lady in Zack Snyder’s upcoming Superman rehash might be Twilight’s Kristen Stewart.
That’s right! The Man of Steel is going to fall in love with a charisma vacuum!
Kristen Stewart, despite having all the charm of a discarded pram wheel, is being linked to just about every job in Hollywood at the moment because studios are aware of the fact that, behind her hallow frame, is an army of devotees, willing to gobble up anything relating to her.
And so, she’s strongly rumoured to be starring as Snow White in some film that’s probably going to be vaguely creepy and half-lit, like Twilight.
However, she’s now being linked to the gig of Superman’s love interest, Lois Lane. And of course, we all know that Lois is a sassy, go-getting independent woman who is able to turn Superman into a gibbering wreck. Not, sadly for her, someone who can woo someone by simply standing still – silently – for long enough so they end up giving in and just hoping that she’ll say something.
Anything.
It seems that this new Superman flick is going to be a wankfest for teenagers, with the producers linking themselves with just about any young and available babe/hunk out there, hoping to cash in on all that lovely pocket money you teens have been hoarding from already wealthy film makers.
Anyway, it seems that, from here at least, that she’ll go for the Snow White gig instead of the Superman role, which is great news for anyone hoping for a decent Superman film before they die.
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bruna says
oi linda vc
Cookie Monster says
“Lois is a sassy, go-getting independent woman who is able to turn Superman into a gibbering wreck,” and therefore Gene Hackman shall return to build the ultimate Superman killer; a charisma kryptonite love doll, featuring the slight drool of boredom incarnate, and the blank stare of lazy-jawed non-emotion, in the form of Whatsherface Stewart!
Cut. Print. BOOM. BLOCKBUSTER! Someone call James Cameron and tell him he’s not all that that, now, with his stuff and such. We have the Krist Stew slaughtering freaking Superman with naught but a stifled sigh!
If Ricky Gervais narrates, I’m buying a ticket to the broadway version. I hope U2 does the muzak. Squee!
meme says
lol..lol…lol…. so true… i dont know why she get these roles in the first place… ever since panic room..seems like she has bn doing the same lame face expressions…she is such a bore…i dont know if i cant take anymore of her umm..how should i put this politely.. ..err…shit! i cant… SHE IS EFFIN BORINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN…
Cookie Monster says
Dear sweet crack-piping-Jesus, I had not cottoned-on to Krist Stew having a turn in Panic Room. Somehow I had assumed that she was brought to us, in her current form, by the people who make mannequins and Spam. I am at a loss. What am I to think of that movie now? Do I watch it with a knowing smirk? Do I avoid it at all costs to preserve the memory of an enjoyable, but ultimately unremarkable, film? Do I buy the Blu-ray to check for sparkles where there were none before?
I can find some closure in the Family Guy rendering of Panic Room that features Meg in Kris Stew’s spot. That bit now has a new dimension for me.