Brace yourselves kiddiekins, because Kristen Stewart has opened and closed her mouth and some words came lolloping out like clumsy, but ultimately very tedious vowel noises. Like someone drilling the road up half a mile away.
Anyways, you screaming obsessives will no doubt be eager to hear what she has to say, regardless of how eye-dryingly dull it is.
You’ll be thrilled to learn that she’s going to take all her clothes off in the next Twilight film and pull her fangs out with pliers before fashioning them into bullets and firing them at the necks of busty lesbian ghouls.Of course, this is a massive lie.
Kristen Stewart has actually graced us with the knowledge that she’s quite looking forward to starting work on the next Twilight film.
Yep.
Shooting for the final instalments in the blockbuster series are set to begin in a couple of weeks, and the young actress is absolutely looking forward to starting the filming with Robert Pattinson, who has been spending his summer standing in for a coat rack in a water cooler factory in Leamington Spa.
Apparently, Pattinson has done “a pleasingly adequate job” according to H2Yo! deputy team leader, Louise Pennington (standing in for Joyce Pilkington who is off on maternity leave).
But yeah, Kristen is going to be taking on the role of Bella Swan once again, to make young men and women around the world jealous as they constantly remind themselves that she’s yawned at Robert Pattinson’s cold, glittering penis.
Stewart says:
“I’m excited about a lot of little bits, but I’m most excited about ? Bella turns into a vampire obviously in this one ? I’m not spoiling anything for anyone ? and she’s so different.”
She continued:
“She’s like the best vampire in the series, basically everything about the story leading up to it, it just feels so right because it’s so natural to her and just so satisfying.”
She then karate chopped a desk in half before leaping out of a 40ft window and parachuting herself into passing convertible sports car.
On fire.
malk. says
i know….it