I know, I know, those of you who read the title of this blog are probably thinking “Duh, bitch! Tell us something we don’t know!” And I agree, we all already knew Kris Jenner, Satan’s favorite side piece, has never had an ounce of shame in her life, but the shit she’s pulling now is officially low even for her. Which is really saying something.
Natural born pimp, Kris, has been whoring out her new cook book, In the Kitchen with Kris, for weeks now, which is hysterical because when I think of Kris Jenner cooking I think of that episode of The Simpsons where Marge gets in with those rich ladies at the country club and one of them complains about the mess she made microwaving a can of soup, but I digress. In Kris’ shittastic cookbook she included…wait for it…a recipe by O.J. Simpson murder victim, Nicole Brown Simpson. I shit you not.
It’s bad enough Kris pimps out her kids, grandkids, step kids, and the luxurious unicorn goddess that is Bruce Jenner, but now she’s (once again) pimping out her dead friend? We get it, bitch, you were friends with the woman O.J. famously got away with murdering, but for god’s sake stop trying to make it about you!
Kris included Nicole’s recipe for chicken nachos, which is the stupidest thing to have a recipe for. Chicken, cheese, nachos. BAM. Kris says she included Nicole’s chicken nachos because she wanted to get even more publicity around her book. Just kidding, Kris never tells the truth, instead she said this shit:
This is the first dish I think of when I think of Nicole Brown Simpson. She was an amazing cook. Everything she made was off-the-charts good. Her chicken nachos were so fabulous, they had a cult following.
First of all, I don’t think this bitch knows what cult following means because the chicken nachos your friend makes can’t get a fucking cult following, so calm the fuck down, Kris Jenner. Second of all, can this bitch release a goddamn book WITHOUT pimping out poor Nicole Brown Simpson?!
In her goddamn 2011 memoir, she said that Nicole called her the day she was murdered and had something really important to discuss, but Kris was too busy being mom of the year (aka she was passed out by the pool after her 7th mimosa of the morning while Kim was blowing Michael Jackson’s nephew behind the cabana), and by the time Kris got around to returning the call Nicole was dead.
Kris Jenner is literally out of her goddamn mind. She realizes that, on her own, she’s about as interesting and appealing as Kevin Federline, so latches on to anyone and everything around her just to get some goddamn attention. Kris Jenner is like a girl in a horror movie being chased by a killer: bitch be trippin’.
Harry Leonard Bishop says
The Kardashians. A textbook example of a family of spoiled brats.
Nom says
Lmao this story is the funniest I read in a while.
Ebie says
This article should be required reading for every Jenner/Kardashian fan(atic) — brilliantly expressed and written.