As if Kim Kardashian’s awful and gut-wrenching break-up with Kris Thingummydumbass wasn’t awful enough – not only for her, but the entire watching, breathless world – she’s been rocked by a tragedy involving boots.
Did someone, possibly sick of her television antics, insert one into her backside with great force?
No. It’s far, far worse than that. Seriously. Read on for the most harrowing celebrity news story you’ll ever read in your entire life. Far worse than anything involving propofol or being filmed urinating on minors.
Holding back the tears, we discovered that Kimmy Kim K was having the most traumatic episode in humankind’s 400 year history.
She was worried that she was going to have to sleep in her high heeled boots because she couldn’t get them off.
That’s right. Her gigantic calf muscles were imprisoned inside some spray-on boots and she tried for nearly half an hour to prise them away from her weeping feet.
She said to a traumatised twitter:
“Can’t get my boot off &I’m all by myself! Don’t know what 2 do! LOL I need someone to pull it off! Been tryin 4 20mins! #SleepingInStilettos”
Nearly 3,000 people committed suicide at the news and, worried about Kimmly Kardoodlibobs being at the end of her notoriously long tether, emergency helplines were set-up to console fraught fans.
Kimmo considered alerting her sleeping 14-year-old half-sister Kylie Jenner to come and help her.
“Do I wake up @KylieJenner to help me take my boot off? I’m really struggling over here! LOL Grrrrrr”
Then, much like the relief shown when those Chilean miners emerged from the underworld, the entire universe cheered when the good news arrived!
“Finally got my boot off! pheeewwwww”
Now, the world is again at peace as Kim is now able to carry on doing her hugely important jobs around the world. We are so very, very lucky.
Pls Go Away Kimmy K says
I just read a recent article where Kimmy K stated, “my mom and I are marketing geniuses” Really? It doesn’t take a genius to sell your soul and literally your a$$ to the public ding-dong. If those two clowns are considered by ANYONE, marketing geniuses, well I guess prostitutes are marketing geniuses too?