There's an old saying that goes 'Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, but give a redneck a waffle and he'll smack you on the head with a chair'.
Unless he didn't smack anyone over the head with a chair. And yesterday, Kid Rock pleaded not guilty to that exact thing.
Kid Rock appeared before an Atlanta court yesterday to plead not guilty to five counts of battery and one count of simple battery following his alleged involvement in a Waffle House in October. If found guilty, not only will Kid Rock face a year in jail, but it'll also give Waffle House the chance to roll out its 'Waffle House: Fuelling Shit-Thick Redneck Dust-Ups Since 2007' ad campaign it's been so excited about lately.
Kid Rock likes to call himself many things. He's a cowboy, he's the rock n roll Jesus, he's Pamela Anderson's angriest husband and he's the star of the sex tape that we're most thankful never to have seen. But if there's one thing that Kid Rock isn't, he says, it's an aggressive Waffle House patron.
There are, however, people who argue to the contrary. Like the police. Last October, Kid Rock was arrested for beating up a man in a Waffle House because a man was looking at his woman or he was looking at a man's woman or he was looking at a woman's man or everybody was looking at each other's waffles or something.
Whatever happened, a Waffle House window ended up getting smashed and a man was kicked, punched and hit with a chair. But Kid Rock says it wasn't anything to do with him, as Reuters reports:
Rock, born Robert Ritchie, pleaded not guilty to five counts of battery and one count of simple battery stemming from the late-night incident at a DeKalb County Waffle House in October, according to DeKalb Solicitor-General Robert James… If convicted of the misdemeanors, Rock could face up to one year in jail plus a $1,000 fine for each charge, public information officer Artealia Gilliard said.
A year in jail seems like an awfully harsh sentence just for attacking a man in a Waffle House. After all, what's the point of even opening an all-night chain of diner-style fast food restaurants if you don't want to see gangs of toothless straggle-haired jumped-up fairground workers attacking each other with chairs? What else do they expect them to do? Eat the food?
Either way, we're not sure if Kid Rock really is not guilty of his charges or if he's just trying to force the prosecutors into offering him a plea deal that'll see him escape with community service. Hopefully it's the latter, because Kid Rock has so much to offer the community at large. Plus if there's even a sliver of a chance that the punishment would force Kid Rock into calling his next album Rock N Roll Menial Roadsweep, then it's clear that's what should be done.
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