So after four – thankfully amatuer sex tape-free – months of marriage, Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are getting divorced; but what could have possibly come between two such obviously level-headed pillars of society?
Perhaps Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are divorcing because they haven't been able to find any quality time to share with each other because of their heavy commitments to writing confusing online diaries, waggling their boobies around and watching WWE wrestling in their underwear on their confederate flag-print sofa while eating beans from a tin balanced on their bellies. Or perhaps – just perhaps – they're getting divorced because Kid Rock saw Pamela Anderson in the new Borat movie and, instead of laughing at the funny foreigner like everyone else, decided to angrily bellow that she was a "whore" and a "slut" in front of a crowd of people.
Poor old Borat – the guy just can't get a break these days. If drunk guys in bars aren't giving him personal movie reviews with their fists, then the Romanians are after him because he had the termidity to strap a fist-shaped dildo to an amputee and repeatedly call another man a rapist in a language he didn't speak. And if that wasn't enough for Borat, he's now being cited as a reason why Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock suddenly both filed for divorce recently.
We'll admit that we didn't see the Pamela Anderson/ Kid Rock divorce coming. For one, they just had so many similar qualities – being a bit common-looking, an innocent fondness for having sex on video all the time – and secondly, they've been through so much together. Although they started dating six years ago, Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock have had a whirlwind romance over the last few months that included announcing that they were married, then getting married, getting married again and then getting married again. Although there was a bewildering lack of honeymoon sex tapes during all of this, it was reported that Pamela Anderson fell pregnant by Kid Rock, only to later have a miscarriage.
Now, losing an unborn baby so early into a relationship can put a terrible amount of stress on a couple, and so it makes sense for the miscarriage to be the underlying reason behind the Pamela Anderson/ Kid Rock divorce. But that's a bit serious for us, so let's blame Borat. Why not, Page Six did. It quotes a 'pal' as saying:
"Ron Meyer held a screening of 'Borat' at his house for a bunch of people, including Pam and Bob," says an Anderson pal. "It was the first time Bob had seen the movie, and, well, he didn't like it." … Her friend tells Page Six, "Bob started screaming at Pam, saying she had humiliated herself and telling her, 'You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?' – in front of everyone. It was very embarrassing. Pam thought he could have a sense of humour about the movie. She was in on the gag from the very beginning and loved doing the movie. And on the eve of what was supposed to be a very positive thing, he made it an awful night. Ever since that night, it has been icicles between them."
Ever the bridge-builder, however, Borat star Sacha Baron Cohen has vowed to make things right between Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock again. Where in Borat Cohen travelled across America to meet Pamela Anderson after becoming infatuated with her and her sex tape, in the freshly-announced Bruno movie, Cohen's outrageously flamboyant Austrian homosexual will travel across America to meet Kid Rock after seeing the sex tape where Kid Rock has it off with some girls alongside that bloke from Creed in the hope of possibly getting some brown love out of it.