Hey! Citizens of Planet Crud! You know what Kelly Clarkson thinks you should do? Go mug her. That’s right. Find her, and forcibly steal things from her. Why? Well, that’s because being mugged doesn’t compare to the worst kind of violation.
Leaking her songs.
That’s right. The sharing of waveforms, collected together in a shapeless, intangible file, leaked through a painless portal is way worse than lamping her on her famous head while making off with her phone and handbag.
Clarkson has opened up about the harrowing incident where something she’s made was shared with loads of people:
“Oh my God, have you ever been robbed? I have. I’ve been physically robbed a couple of times, but this is much worse”
What’s worse is that these songs may show her in a slightly different light than previously, almost like she’d progressed as an artist but in a way that people would be able to make their own minds up without being patronised by an expensive PR campaign.
“Those songs came out and people are like, ‘Oh my God, what direction is Kelly going?'”
“I think what made me mad was that – one, people stole from me, and two, everybody had no idea what my next album was going to sound like. That really caused a lot of confusion.”
Her album is such a gigantic departure that even Clarkson can’t compute it in her vast mind.
“I don’t even have it, by the way, because I’m so freaked out to put it on my computer”
Jesus H. Christ. Anyone think she might be over-reacting slightly, wailing from her million dollar mansion about the indignity of something that will ultimately make no difference to her life?
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nowthatstrailer says
It’s true…people from all over the world are plotting to break into Kelly’s house and steal her computer, because her music is that good. Run Kelly…run…far away with your computer, so we don’t have to pay or listen to your god-damn teeny pooper music.
JoeMomma says
You mean it won’t be the same old mass marketed derivative pop drivel? Doubt it.
Cookie Monster says
Operator: This is music central, how may I direct your call?
Clarkson: Uhm, they did robded me!
Operator: I’ll redirect you to The Department of Taste
Clarkson: No, damnit, I want to talk to The Theft Department, pronto!
Operator: So, no taste?
Clarkson: None, damnit… I wanna talk to the man in charge!
Operator: I’ll forward you to P. Diddy… please hold
Clarkson: Motherfucker