The internet, eh? Sometimes it can be really annoying.
Like that time Lindsay Lohan accepted our MySpace 'friend request.' How was hecklerspray supposed to know that 'friend request' didn't mean 'please stand outside my house shouting inappropriate sexual slurs before being dragged off by the police in a haze of tear-gas and rubber bullets'? And don't even get us started on that time the internet promised us a load of money from Nigeria.
Pain is only relevant, however, if shared by a celebrity. Any fool knows that. Which is why hecklerspray is particularly enamoured with Kelly Clarkson – she hates the internet too, and she's going to tell you all about it. Well, actually, we are. In a vaguely sarcastic manner. Before linking to the story itself. Come on, you know the score by now.
Why does Kelly Clarkson hate the cyber-realm all of a sudden? Because it went behind her back and stole some of her new unfinished tracks, that's why. Then what did the internet do? It went and shared them, with the entire world. The unimaginable bastard.
The four songs in question go by the names of Close Your Eyes, Ready, One Day, and With a Little Bit of Luck, which sound less like chart-topping pop classics and more like George describing the rabbits to Lennie. Hecklerspray for one eagerly awaits the next big Clarkson single: I Done Killed Some Girl By Petting Her Hair Too Hard (feat. Justin Timberlake).
What are Kelly Clarkson's thoughts on the whole thing? She had this to say:
"I write all the time – lots of stuff not meant to ever be released, just working on ideas. The fact that people have heard music that's not ready yet sucks, but I hope they like it."
If anyone is interested, we're happy to tell you that the tracks are said to have a 'folksy arrangement' with a 'bare-bones country approach'. We're also happy to tell you that you should consider getting out of the house more. You're actually interested in what new Kelly Clarkson material sounds like? Are you serious?
What next – you're going to get all excited about Shakira's really deep new lyrical content? Is that what's going to happen? Christ, you need to make some changes, man. Pretty soon you could find yourself writing about Kelly Clarkson's new songs in a vaguely sarcastic manner, before linking to the story itself. And how much of a loser would that make you? Eh? Eh?
Eh?
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IronEddie says
She writes all the time yet she can’t ever come up with a song that’s worth listening once. She’s oozing with talent!!
Yup says
I loves me some Kelly. Funny take.
Emo Lesbian Kelly--Kelly Clarkson's #1 Fan! says
Ok.
Kelly Clarkson is an AMAZING Artist.She has GREAT Talent and Skill.
It pisses me off that people would go and say shit like this.
Kelly Clarkson never said she ‘hated’ the internet you dumbasses.She said she didn’t like the fact that her unfinshed tracks were STOLEN and put ON the Internet.
You make it seem like shes got no talent and no brain.KC is very smart btw so….WTF is your problem??
Get a grip and stop taking stories and making them make the person in them seem like an idiot.
teehee says
Interesting take. I did clarkson’s voice… I’m not sure about her music though. Some of her covers I’ve run across seem pretty cool. Hopefully she’ll click with some great songs down the road. I love your blog btw.
per says
pretty much my favorite article about this situation.
it really does suck that her songs got leaked, because i for one, would have LOVED to be surprised.
but it doesn’t help that a band member of hers (not going to mention names) had the song floating around on his official site.
but all in all, i really do feel bad and just hope this situation subsides soon because i really don’t want this turning into another Kelly record feud.
btw- i LOVE the ‘Of Mice and Men’ comment. i actually just got done reading that the other day, funny you should add that, especially with Justin Timberlake. :)
Jen says
Clearly, IronEddie, you have never actually listened to any of Kelly Clarkson’s songs nor know nothing about her, so what exactly makes you qualified to criticize. Not even taking into account her most recent album, “My December,” (which, despite what garbage you have heard about this album, is absolutely amazing) most of the #1’s from the extremely successful “Breakaway” were all written or co-written by her. Personally, I prefer the songs that Kelly has written over the ones that have been made by the “pop machine.”
gir says
“btw- i LOVE the ‘Of Mice and Men’ comment. i actually just got done reading that the other day, funny you should add that, especially with Justin Timberlake.”
FInally, per confirms what we all knew: all Kelly Clarkson and Justin Timberlake fans have not finished high school (in the UK you would probably call that 7th final form or some shit).
“Clearly, IronEddie, you have never actually listened to any of Kelly Clarkson’s songs nor know nothing about her, so what exactly makes you qualified to criticize.”
Acutally, hearing anything from her or knowing anything about her rise to record label debt qualifies pretty much anybody to criticize. And she is objectively crap. And that’s not even getting in to her music.
per says
^^okay, yes many of her fans have not graduated high school, but a lot have. what’s your point?
IronEddie says
@Jen:
I’ve heard enough of her crappy music to form a judgement. It’s the most generic bland pop trash this side of Avril Lavigne.
Yeah, she got a nice voice and all but it’s music that counts in the end, right?