You remember Boris Johnson, don’t you? He’s the blonde, mop-headed fool that bumbles his way through life from one gaffe to the next. He’s the Mayor of London too. You know, the one that had to be dragged, kicking and screaming, back from holiday during the riots. He’s a big pal of David Cameron. A lot of people vote for him because they think he’s hilarious. Are you following us here?
Good ol’ Boris knows what the important things are though. Whether it’s getting rid of those frightful bendy buses that interrupt everyone’s chauffeur-driven commute or apologising to stars who have suffered racial abuse at the hands of some lobster-skinned British git-bag that probably makes up most of ol’ Boris’ core vote.
Yes, you may remember us reporting that Kelis was racially abused at an airport when she went to go through passport control and now the singer, famous for bringing boys to the yard using milk-based beverages, has gone into more detail on twitter.
Kelis described her abuser, who referred to her as a slave, as a fat, pink-faced British guy. Boris Johnson’s investigation will likely hit a brick wall as the fat, pink-faced British man merges into the collection of other fat, pink-faced British people sloping around Spanish resorts, desperately trying to find a restaurant that will serve up a Full English and a fight.
Former Bullingdon club member Johnson took to twitter to defend the honour of the British people and reassure Kelis in the process;
“Heard about the treatment you received at a UK airport. Want you to know this is not typical. I'm appalled & I'm on the case.”
Kelis was at pains to point out that it was at a Spanish Airport subsequent to this. However, Boris has apparently shut down all major UK airports while he stumbles around with a child’s magnifying glass looking for clues.
The police are being much more proactive and are looking to speak to this fat, pink-faced British man, whose whereabouts have been unknown since the 2010 General Election. It is suggested that he may be able to assist with their enquiries. hecklerspray couldn’t possibly comment on what that means.
If you see him, don’t approach him. He’s a dick.
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Chas Hudson says
Johnson and Cameron are big pals, eh? How come no one ever told the pair of them, then? I don’t much care about either of the buggers, but I know that: (a) they are fierce rivals and have been for a very long time – they certainly aren’t pals (and a quick Google search would confirm this, so there’s no excuse to make such a claim); (b) Johnson does a good bumbling act, but he is highly intelligent and uses the fact that people underestimate to his advantage; and (c) journalists and commentators should not be among those who make this mistake.
Bradley Holden says
Given that the guy’s written an article which basically accuses Nick Griffin of racially abusing Kelis, you have to imagine that he’s neither a journalist nor a commentator and is trying to write something to give people a cheap chuckle.
Still, no-one likes to imagine a big ol’ circle jerk at the Bullingdon Club before they all rogered Gideon Osborne so cheers for clearing that up, at least.
MrDerp says
Kelis is the woman who wore clothes with the N word all over them at the Grammy awards and she wants to talk about racism?
Cheshire says
I’ll-advised, racist, poorly written, poorly inspired, very immature crap. This has to be the worst article HS has ever produced. It is more racist, anti- English than anything I’ve seen anywhere since 7/7. Be ashamed.
Leighton says
You do realize the entire article was a satire of the whole issue right? He is not on Kelis’s side.