Hey! Katie Holmes is married to slab of prime thetan, Tom Cruise. As you know, they’re both Scientologists, which makes them certifiably mad. Don’t argue. This is just a fact that’s as plain as the nose on your weird alien-believing face.
Of course, mad people have a myriad of odd symptoms and behavioural patterns. One such thing is to marry a man half your height.
Another is being afraid of an absence of light. That’s right! Katie Holmes is scared of the dark and probably screams in terror every time she blinks. That’s because she’s mental. We pointed that out already didn’t we?
So what scared Katie Holmes so much? Did she realise that, in the dark, Tom Cruise could be sleeping beside her with his weird staring eyes open?
No. It’s lamer than that. She’s frightened of a film she’s been in.
That’s right. She is scared of the dark after being a film she has read the script for over and over until it’s so familiar to her, she can recite the lines from it by heart.
Because of the remake of Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark (also starring Guy Pearce), she now has to sleep with the light on like she’s some kind of stupid baby.
Katie admits:
“I usually sleep with the lights on. When I read this script, I was scared and I had to turn on all the lights in my house.
“I thought I heard noises. And I held my child really close.
Still, nothing is as terrifying as Tom Cruise entering you and giving you his seed while shouting “THIS ONE’S FOR HUBBARD!”
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Dan says
Setting satire aside for a moment, you don’t have to be “mad” to be a Scientologist. Yes, after paying lots of money and being fully indoctrinated Scientology tells you that Xenu the Galactic ruler blew up H-bombs on earth 75 million years ago. But at its core Scientology is a confidence scam that takes a person’s best intentions and turns them to Scientology’s own advantage. Anybody, no matter how brilliant, can fall into this criminal cult, and it is extremely difficult to get out, even if you wake up and smell the coffee. Hopefully someone will put a pot on for Katie.
Peter says
Thanks for understanding.
Ali says
Oh my gosh I laughed so much reading that… and what’s even more funny is they really are that stupid, did anyone ever see that interview were Tom says you know about a thousand times but doesn’t really say anything.
JoeMomma says
“Still, nothing is as terrifying as Tom Cruise entering you and giving you his seed while shouting
Cookie Monster says
This one time, at Scientology band camp…