Glory to the new born King and all that, because Duchess Kate Middleton gave birth to a baby boy yesterday. If that baby?wasn’t?born to ?The Circle of Life? playing before being dramatically hoist into the air by Prince William, then an opportunity has been missed.
Duchess Kate gave birth to the Royal baby boy, third in line to the throne, later than expected. Due to be born around the same time as Kanye West?s kid, methinks the baby sensed this and clung dearly onto Kate?s womb lest his name be forever associated with?baby North.
On a brighter note, we now have a whole 24 hours to enjoy before The Daily Fail run the story ?How Long Until Kate Loses Baby Weight?? Huzzah! Turns out, a rainbow didn’t magically sprout across the world, blue birds didn’t fly through every open window singing with joy? and the economy didn’t suddenly sort itself out over night. The future King was born and it's back to your day jobs. At least the BBC news are officially sorted for the rest of the year.
I would sacrifice my old Pokemon collection to be a fly on the wall at Kate’s labor. We know ? thanks to E! Entertainment, who were camped outside St Mary?s Hospital and Buckingham Palace ages ago (seriously, go home now) ? that the hospital offer manicures, pedicures, internet and television access. The rest of us peasants are content with what ever is in the vending machine.?Did Prince William hold Kate?s hand as she screamed bloody murder? Did she curse the place out? Was old Queen Liz on Skype watching the whole shebang? Has the baby more hair than papa Will?
Although Clarence House got all media savvy and announced the news via twitter, the official announcement was placed outside Buckingham Palace on an easel as tradition dictates. Keeping it classy, bitches. Some dude, okay a town crier wherever the fuck you find one of those, was dressed very regally and announced the baby’s birth. I hear his screams were louder than Kate?s during her natural birth.
The nation still has the excitement of possible names to jizz over. You can't fuck about with a Royal name. Aint nobody got time for King Cruz, King Knox or King Kal-El (I can't with you, Nicolas Cage). It'll be King George or Spencer or just insert any pretentious name and you could well be onto a winner.
Prince Charles probably used the powers that be to mess with the weather and incubate the baby because he was born on Britain?s hottest day of the year. Given that the UK had its biggest thunder storm that night I wouldn’t cancel out a baby Damien just yet?
No thanks says
Hecklerspray just compiled all the funny tweets into this unfunny post.