Karma Comes Back To Bite Tori Spelling In The Ass

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Tori Spelling Dean McDermottIf you are married and start banging someone who is not your husband, but who is also married, then the chances are pretty damn high that at some point that dude is going to stick in someone else besides you.  Such is the case with the living female Crypt Keeper doppelganger, Tori Spelling, and wandering dick husband, Dean McDermott.

And to add insult to injury, McDermott cheated with a Canadian commoner with no trust fund to support him on.  Oh, how the mighty male gold diggers have fallen.

Dean McDermott was in Canuckland doing promotional work for her Chopped Canada when he decided to get his drink on and at some point, cheat on his wife with some 28 year old regular person named Emily Goodhand.   This should not be that big of a shock to Tori Spelling, considering he cheated on his previous wife, Mary Jo Eustace, with her.  I don’t know if you have seen pictures of Eustace, but she not only is way prettier than Spelling, but also way more talented.  Love is blind I guess, or at least money hungry (at the time, Spelling was still on the path to getting tons of Daddy Spelling’s millions).

So, McDermott met Goodhand and pulled the whole “Wahh, my wife doesn’t give me enough love and affection!” excuse as to why he was creeping on Spelling.  This chick believed McDermott (because, why not believe the married guy cheating on his wife) and went back to his hotel room.  Dean and Tori had like half a million kids in a New York minute, so obviously Dean is getting enough.  Hopefully Goodhand was at least smart enough to use protection, even if she did buy Dean’s cliché excuse, because homeboy has some potent ass sperm.

Of course after all of this has come out, Spelling and McDermott both refuse to comment, which is basically code for “BUSTED!”  Sources allege that she is making dude’s life miserable city, I would assume by walking around naked with no make up on.  But that is just a guess based on the fact that that would make my home life miserable.

Spelling also straight up said before that she doesn’t trust her husband.  Now this would be sad, except we again remember that these two started fucking when their ring fingers were covered in gold and diamonds and their taxes were jointly filed with others.   In her 2010 book, Uncharted TerriTORI, (I FUCKING KNOW with that title!), Spelling spilled the dirt on her jealousy.

“If the phone rings and it’s a girl’s voice, I have to ask if he’s having an affair. Dean tells me over and over again that he would never do that.”

Except, BOOM- he did.  It’s kind of like that State Farm commercial.  “WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?!”  “Jake, from State Farm.”  “WELL SHE SOUNDS HIDEOUS!”   I’d probably feel bad for Tori, except she made this bed by being a whore herself, so…..

Tori has now been seen out and about with her Jolie/Pitt type brood without her wedding band, which is the biggest passive aggressive way of letting the world know shit’s going down.  And unnamed sources (aka, Dean trying to garner sympathy) have said that Tori is acting like Hurricane Katrina, just blowing the house down with the crazy and destroying everyone’s world around them.  She is ruining Christmas, and ruining the children.  Now that really should be Dean ruined Christmas with his herpes dick, and Dean ruined the children with his tainted peen, but I digress.

Now most likely, these two will work through this issue because Tori has a deep dark obsession with appearing like the perfect relatable family (which is hard when you whine about being broke with your $1000 purses).   This saddens my cynical heart a little, because the book titles that could be used if they separated are like a gold mine.  Spelling It Out,  Why I Left My Cheating Pudgeboy.  Donna Marten Graduates From Heartbreak.  Learning To Live on VicTORIously High Child Support.

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