Kanye West Cancels Tour, Possibly Because Beyonce’s Tour Is Better

Kanye West, Lady Gaga, Kanye West Tour, Fame Kills, Taylor SwiftIf you enjoy paying to see odd men repeatedly bellow about how brilliant they are for two full hours, we have bad news.

Kanye West has cancelled his tour. Kanye West and Lady Gaga were due to perform a tour across America this winter. But now, just a few weeks after he broke little Taylor Swift‘s heart into pieces at the MTV VMAs, Kanye has decided to scrap the whole thing.

Yo Kanye, we’re really happy for you, we’re gonna let you finish but Michael Jackson had one of the best tour cancellations of all time. One of the BEST OF ALL TIME!

Poor old Kanye West. Nothing’s going right for him at the moment. When he wanted to express his opinion that Beyonce made a better music video than Taylor Swift, he ended up becoming a global hate figure. When he tried to apologise to Taylor Swift on his blog, he ended up just howling “BOOOYAAAAWWW!!!!” for no discernible reason. And then when he tried to apologise again on TV, he ended up getting his leg molested by a man with an obscene chin. Honestly, Kanye West can’t even get a haircut without some idiot carving berserk hieroglyphics into his scalp. No wonder he’s a mess.

During his molesto-leg appearance on TV, Kanye West revealed that he wanted to take some time off work and properly grieve for his mother, who died in 2007. And now it looks like he’s done exactly that. The big three-month Fame Kills tour of Canada and the US that Kanye West had been planning to start in November with Lady Gaga is now off for good. The New York Daily News reports:

Kanye West’s much-hyped “Fame Kills” tour with Lady Gaga has been canceled — with no reason as yet given. Despite the fact that a rep from Live Nation said Wednesday that the concerts were still a go … Nation announced Thursday they were pulling the plug on the tour. No explanation has been put forward — but the VMA backlash and Kanye’s upcoming criminal court date could have been factors.

We don’t know about you, but personally we think this is a real shame. Everyone had so much to gain from this tour – Kanye West could have proved to everyone that he wasn’t the monster the press is making him out to be, while Lady Gaga could have stood next to Kanye West and shown the world that she isn’t pop’s most insufferable moron after all.

And what about us? We were really looking forward to the tour, if only because it would have been funny when Kanye West inevitably shambled onstage eight hours late again and then wrote another deranged, genuinely terrifying blog post about it afterwards.

But still, let’s draw some positives from this. Hopefully Kanye West will be able to use his time off positively so that he can come back stronger than ever. By which we mean we hope he can figure out a way to interrupt the Queen of England during a speech while punching an endangered animal square in the face and roaring “BOOOYAAAAWWW!!!!” into the sky until he coughs up blood. Because, honestly, the day that Kanye West learns self-awareness is the day we’re out of a job.

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  1. shooty* says

    Gold. Pure comedy gold. You could have just left it at the headline, and that would have been the funniest thing I read this week*, but the “yo kanye” paragraph just sealed it.

    *except, like, some of Magnetites posts, obv.

  2. says

    I can’t wait until he is reduced to performing his last memorable act at teenagers’ parties. I can just picture him driving around the country, dressing and eating at the wheel because of his punishing schedule, in a dinged and rusting little van – emblazoned on the sides of which are these words:

    ‘The Kanye West Thing: Get your own microphone wresting Kanye West sting. Call 555-0198. No balloon animals. No toddlers’

  3. says

    Oh, Shooty* thanks. I now have a red face to go with my empurpled head prose. The sad truth is that I am a mere moon to HecKlerspray’s life-giving Sun – a reflector, and an inconstant one at that. Without Mr. H and the other contributors’ consistent wit and skill I wouldn’t have a hook on which to hang my coat of many comments.

    p.s. You’re alright yerself too, Shooty*, you’re alright yerself.

  4. Eden says

    If you ask me, I hope he stays retired permanently so I don’t have to hear his crappy music on the radio any more. Or here him claim he is the “voice of my generation” which is a load of crap, I don’t know anyone who like Kanye’s music, I’m not sure who buys that crap.