Remember when K-Fed had a dancer’s body? Sure it was covered in bad tattoos, cornrows made without the aid of a mirror and a layer of congealed body grease, but still – it was a dancer’s body.
And he used that body to scoop up Britney Spears and steal her away to a life most view as exotic fantasy and wonder.
Well he’s not scooping things up with that body any more. Except burritos, corn chips, and maybe an entire half-pig flame-broiled and basted.
What we’re getting at here is the man has gained weight – and boy has he!
The whole reason so many people bought Kevin Federline‘s one album was because they took it on blind faith that it was a thin man delivering all those wonderful lyrics. Nobody wants to hear music made by fat people – that’s why Wilson Phillips had such a disappointing run.
Sure, once in a while the overweight can crack the top 40, but we think that the one time it happened it was more on the strength of the hit movie Disorderlies than it was from people wanting to hear angry lyrics about abbreviated late night menus.
Now that K-Fed is officially fat, he’s going to all but fade from the common man’s mind set unless he artistically incorporates his stretch marks into a photographic image of his track listing. We would definitely buy that. It’s the only thing he can really do, you know. Have fun with it, let us now he’s still ‘the Fed.’
Anyway – he showed off his new tarp-covered bod at a recent golf tournament. As we understand it, the balls he was swinging at rested comfortably on his naval, as did holes one through six.
Us Magazine has a much more viable account of the fatter of the matter:
“Kevin Federline turned heads at a California sporting event Monday. But it wasn’t over his golfing skills; it was over his size. At one point at Ryan Sheckler X Games Celebrity Classic, an employee on the grounds saw Federline and remarked, “Man, that’s a belly on him! That’s K-Fed?!?””
Really though, nobody’s a fan of Federline because he makes albums. Their his fans because he makes babies. Sure, critics’ll say that none of the follow-ups were as good as the first one, but as long as he keeps trying there’ll be a dedicated audience there to buy up his efforts.
Of course, that’ll most likely all take place in the Persian black market, but still – with a talent like K-Fed’s rich Arabs will always be hungry for more.
Mithaearon says
Warning bad pun ahead (I seem to be on a roll with these recently):
So he is now known as K-OverFed? :P
Snapper Winsten says
Excellent head line you.