Former male prostitute Justin Randall Timberlake – aka Randy T – has thrown down the gauntlet to his sex-rivals George 'the Silver bullet' Clooney and Brad 'I'm going to kick your fucking face off' Pitt.
Randy T was recently handed the title 'King of Sex' by Rolling Stone magazine in exchange for backstage tickets to see him in action. Timberlake told Barbara Walters on her 10 Most Fascinating People special that he will defend his title to the death. Clooney and Pitt have taken this challenge seriously and arranged for a no-holds barred celebrity battle royale. Each of them will take it in turn to beat off as many men as possible to preserve the sanctity of their ring. The celebrity will the longest staying power will receive the coveted 'King of Sex' title belt.
However, it seems that the princess of pop may have a few tricks up his ludicrously expensive designer sleeves, proclaiming to the world (via Walters):
"I'll hold onto that title for as long as I can. Brad, George, you guys may be on the most beautiful whatever, but I'll eat your hearts out!"
Justin Timberlake's previously unknown cannibalistic tendencies may just get the drop on his opponents. It is believed that Timberlake learnt this heart-eating technique on a recent visit to Papua in Indonesia. A spokesman from the Korowai tribe commented that by eating part of their victims, the cannibal gains their abilities. It seems Timberlake hopes to acquire the very features which have made his rivals so desirable, Clooney's silvery mop and Pitt's well defined groin. Rumours have also been circulating that the German Cannibal Armin Meiwes will be granted a temporary release from prison and fly over to Vegas to act as referee.
However, with Clooney's medical experience and Pitt's face-crushing Fight Club skills, Timberlake will by no means be ensured an easy victory. We can only hope all three suffer several facial damage, if this is the case the title will be automatically given to John C. Reilly. Let battle commence.
Read more:
Justin Timberlake: I'm Hotter Than Brad Pitt, George Clooney – Transworld News
[story by Philip R. Barry]
Zit says
Oh purleeze !!!!!!!!!!! He is an unremarkable looking boy not a full male and he sings like a damn eunoch
Has as much sex appeal as a gnat..rather like faux Kylie has.
Leslie says
that’s ridiculous! we should sue you!
heatherrrrr BIG JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE FAN says
.. are you serious? anyway. if this is all make believe in your world. best believe i will be at the fight, fighting george & brad if they even touch justin timberlake. :] kthx