Anyone who spends their time over-analysing might have raised suspicions about teeny-weenie pop boy Justin Bieber.
Those who fear the worst about the world will have had nightmares due to the terrifying possibility that Bieber fancies young children. Don't believe us? Listen to the lyrics of Baby to see what we mean. He sings about them enough. The monster could be lurking outside your kid?s nursery ready to pounce.
Before you ring social services in order to get an electronic tag slapped on his leg, Bieber might be dishing out red herrings. In an announcement that may leave thousands of teenage girls blubbing, it appears that Justin Bieber likes the older ladies. But we're not talking 17 or, at a push, 20-year-olds. Oh no, Mr. Bieber has the eye on any female aged up to 40. Perhaps he visited that website your mum’s featured on ? watchmedothewashingupinthenude.com. Checked, didn't you? Filthy animal.
Unlike The Jonas Brothers – who he recently started a rubbish argument with – Justin Bieber isn't bound to being a virgin via a weird purity ring. All three Jonas brothers wear them and when a horny female approaches them and flashes her gash, the ring protects them. Unleashing a loud pitched scream that only girls can hear, saying. ?NONE OF THE JONAS BROTHERS LIKE YOU AND WON?T PUT A RING ON IT. OR INSIDE YOUR RING PIECE FOR THAT MATTER, YOU UNPURE BITCH.?
But it begs the question, what would Justin Bieber do if he was ever presented with a twice-divorced 36-year-old mother of three? Being that Bieber is only about 12, he wouldn't know what to do! The poor lad is still gluing hair clippings onto his testicles to try and give the impression he has pubes. Any experienced older lady will be able to see right through that old trick.
Given that any sexual goings on would be out of the question, the only activities Justin Bieber and an older lady could commence in are as follows:
A) Reading some challenging literature such as Harry Potter or Twilight.
B) Tuning in to watch another exciting adventure of Peppa Pig to see if the show?s writers have got bored and allowed Peppa to be slaughtered to be part of a tasty full English breakfast.
C) Tucking him up tight in bed and reassuring that the ghosts under the bed aren't real.
So what exactly does the boy of the moment want from a life partner? Speaking to MTV, he said:
?Anything above 40 is a little too old for me. I just look for a girl who is funny and has nice eyes and a smile.”
But girls, if you thought he had high standards, you can breathe a sigh of relief. Justin Bieber wants to shack up with none other than Kim Kardashian. You know, Kim Kardashian, that lady famous for, erm… occasionally removing items of clothing. Bieber said about her:
?I think she’s cute. And, no, she’s not too old for me.?
So remember kids, the next time your mum says she's popping down the shops, be a little bit weary. She could end up being rubbed up by Justin Bieber as he attempts to stick his semi-on inside her.
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elle says
Sad. Puts me out of the running. (Running home to weep). I guess Gino Vanelli was right… black cars do look better in the shade.
Jaycee says
well this is awkward and stupid 40 serioulsy/ thts just weird i mean he shud be dating ppl ages 11-18 not anyone over 19 because he is 16 and she is 29 its weird stupid nasty ! bieber ur make beliebers confused fed up and sick 1
jeilin says
a am 1 of your fans
jeanette says
ha ha ha iz thad