There’s a lot of things you can call Justin Bieber in the name of a cheap joke, like ‘dancing foetus’ or ‘amniotic squirt’, but one thing you shouldn’t be calling people is ‘faggot’. Of course, it’s insulting to say that being gay is a negative to which you should slate people with, but more importantly, it’s really sorely lacking in any creativity.
However, Justin Bieber was met with the kind of slur that has been hitting the headlines lately for some seriously unsettling headlines.
As well you know, there’s been a spate of suicides that have resulted from people on the receiving end of homophobic abuse. This, tied in with reports about Justin Bieber being involved in something similar leaves us with the daunting task of trying to crowbar jokes into something that’s actually very serious. Count on us though dear reader, for we can poke fun at almost any situation.
Bieber was playing in a laser tag match over the weekend, which is surprising because we were under the impression that this activity was woefully out-of-date and superseded by people playing war games with headsets on in their bedrooms.
Anyway, Bieber was out tagging and during the course of the game, some little chump went out of his way to target Justin repeatedly. You can understand that. Bieber is famous and it is fun to wind up people with more talent and money than you.
However, when you do it in the flesh, you run the risk of said celebrity losing their rag with you, which Bieber did (in presumably a very firm, but Christian way) and when frustrated at being cornered, the pint-sized singer said:
“That’s enough”
The antagoniser responded with
“What are you gonna do about it, faggot?”
Bieber wanted clarification, to which the kid stated
“You’re a faggot”
Now, it is fair to assume that this boy wasn’t merely pointing out that he felt that Bieber may be gay and wanted to get confirmation on the situation with a rhetorical question. It is safe to assume that he was implying that Bieber was somehow a lesser person because he was homosexual.
So Bieber pushed the boy out of the way and went home. Reports suggest he punched him, which is very difficult to imagine. However, Bieber should have punched him in the throat or, for the sake of irony, summoned a team of hardnut drag queens to whup his ass with beehive wigs loaded up with horseshoes.
But he didn’t.
A police investigation is ongoing, but sources say that the police already know the fault does not lie with Bieber.
However, there is one avenue of investigation that may be overlooked. If the boy who called Bieber a “faggot” was from England, he could well be suggesting that he likened the singer to an old English dish made from pig’s hearts, liver and fatty belly wrapped up in the omentum membrane from the pig’s abdomen.
If that’s the case, then he’s absolutely spot-on and there’s no case to answer.
Right?
Next week: Someone points out the similarities between Robert Pattinson and a bowl of tripe (which is made from the first three chambers of a cow’s stomach)
David L. says
But he is a faggot.
Michelle says
Bieber is awesome! If you call people names, it really looks bad on you instead of the person whom you are calling a name!
Aldo says
Fag.