Think back to how little you cared last year during all that fearsomely dull nonsense about Jude Law having it off with a nanny when he was meant to be engaged to Sienna Miller, and triple that feeling – you'll be needing it.
Because Jude Law and Sienna Miller have just sadly announced that they're both properly splitting up this time after apparently trying – and failing – to make things work between them. Given that most people haven't been able to give a soggy trump about whether Jude Law and Sienna Miller have been on or off for the last 18 months, it's hard to know exactly why Jude Law and Sienna Miller even bothered putting out a statement announcing their split in the first place. Let's hope it wasn't to try and drum up attention for Jude Law's new film – which was conveniently released not so long ago – because that looks like a big bag of stinking pube-juice, too.
Jude Law and Sienna Miller always seemed to us to be a sort of Heat-friendly version of Sigorney Weaver and Rick Moranis from Ghostbusters, except when they got together they didn't create a direct portal to hell – instead they created a swirling vortex of pointlessness so vast that it briefly appeared to hypnotise the entire pissing world; a sort of perfect storm of pointlessness that encompassed both Jude Law and Sienna Miller's phenomenal ability to irritate people, Jude Law's smotheringly dull ubiquity and the sort of tawdry sex scandal that's good for giggling over for a second before it's instantly forgotten about.
But, just in case you really have forgotten about it, we're about to dredge the whole Jude Law/ Sienna Miller saga up again in thrilling recap form. After starring together in Alfie – easily the worst remake of any film by anyone ever – deathly dull British nobcheese Jude Law and blandly pretty ladder-climber Sienna Miller got engaged. Then Jude Law had sex with the nanny of his children and Sienna Miller possibly had it off with James Bond, Darth Vader and Leonardo DiCaprio before she got a manky toe, tried to use the word 'tumultuous' in a sentence and then got back with Jude Law for good.
But things like this tend to be cyclical. Just like before, Jude Law is getting ready to star in every film you'll go and see in the next few months – All The King's Men, Breaking And Entering, The Holiday – and just like before, Jude Law has apparently split up with Sienna Miller. Again. People reports:
"It's a mutual decision," a pal of the actor says of ending the roller-coaster romance. "They have definitely come to the end of the road. They tried to make it work but it failed." Reps for both Miller and Law refused to comment on the private lives of their clients.
Is it cynical to suggest that the timing of this Jude Law/ Sienna Miller split is all a bit convenient? Almost like it's a way to try and convince people to go and see any of the new Jude Law films. If it is, it's a rubbish stunt – the only way that the majority of people would pay to see a Jude Law film would be if it comprised solely of Jude Law running clumsily through a minefield in super slow motion while an apocalyptic version of the Benny Hill theme-tune played in the background.
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