Those weren’t the exact words used by feminist author Fay Weldon, because Weldon is a well respected writer who has probably forgotten more words than I know.
But at the recent Richmond Book Now festival she did say that the glamour model “drinks too much and sleeps with two many people and talks about it too much for common decency.”
Weldon, whose work as an ad copywriter saw her come up with the tagline ‘Go to work on an egg’ and, more appropriately for Jordan, the rejected slogan ‘Vodka gets you drunker quicker’ isn’t the first author to savage Kate Price.
Martin Amis also reportedly dismissed the model as “two bags of silicone” and Lynda La Plant – the writer of Prime Suspect and, more importantly, the spectre who suffered from hay-fever in Rentaghost – reportedly said that Jordan was “a terrible thing for young girls”.
Perhaps they are jealous of Jordan’s own literary efforts – after all, her first autobiography Being Jordan does recount the time her grandmother used to pose as a topless mermaid behind an aquarium (Jordan then breathlessly tells how Gran eventually got sacked for smoking). Fay Weldon might have a CBE, but does she have any anecdotes as good as that? FUCK NO, I DOUBT IT.
So is this high-brow revolt against Jordan just the topping on the cake? A hideously-titted orange cake, covered in hair extensions and fake nails? How could no-one be interested in such a cake?
It’s been reported that ‘Katie Price’ was the most searched-for living celebrity in 2009 according to Yahoo! and the eighth most common search term overall. But let’s face it, how many people use Yahoo!?! It seems only slightly more popular that someone saying “Hang on, let me Altavista that!” A reference there, for anyone who used the internet in 1996.
The recent edition of OK! Magazine! is also full of reunion rumours, suggesting that Jordan and Peter Andre might get back together – though Andre has told The Sun that this would never happen. Other tabloids report that she might get back together with cross-dressing cagefighter Alex Reid, who she dumped after I’m A Celebrity I Don’t Like This Jungle – which wasn’t the opportunity to win back the nation’s heart she thought it might have been.
Though regardless of what you think of Jordan or any of the men in her life, you have to hand it to to the tabloids for managing to spin non-continuous verbs (“I am sad now”) into an fully fledged, yet strangely hollow, articles. Perhaps like this one.
It’s also now reported that Jordan is depressed and “increasingly anxious about spending Christmas alone.” It just goes to show that having a massive house and an estimated personal fortune of ?30 million counts for very little these days. Let’s hope she doesn’t find out the author of The Life & Loves Of A She-Devil doesn’t hold her in very high regard, or she might end up in the express checkout in the noose shop.
This was a guest post by Simon Swatman from Mediapill, who rocks and is ace.
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Si says
No need to write the rest of the article really. The headline would have sufficed.