John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston made an unusual couple, didn’t they? There was the eight-year age difference.
There was the fact that he wasn’t one of her co-stars. There was the fact that he was John Mayer and ugh ugh uggity ugh. We could go on. But anyway, since John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston split up, they’ve both gone on to find happiness elsewhere – Aniston with anybody even tangentially connected with any of films and Mayer with…
No, wait. John Mayer hasn’t found happiness at all. He still misses Jennifer Aniston. Breaking up with her was one of the hardest moments of her life. He feels like an arsehole about it all. No, really – he told Rolling Stone as much. And now we’re telling you. Looks like you got the crappy end of this deal, really.
Science would have you believe that there is nothing worse in the entire universe than listening to a John Mayer album. And, until recently, that theory held. After all, between the floppy hair, the stupid sensitive eyes, the namby-pamby voice and the songs that all sound like they should be played on a loop in hell’s least favourite branch of Starbucks, listening to a John Mayer album is pretty much the most comprehensively rubbish thing you could ever wish to do.
However, that was until we discovered that listening to a John Mayer album had been superseded in the awfulness stakes by listening to a John Mayer break-up album about Jennifer Aniston. Because, oh God, remember when John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston were together? First they were on, then they were off, then they might have been on again, then blah blah blah. It had all the fire and spice you’d expect from a woman who makes films about naughty puppies and a man who sounds like Jason Mraz‘s enfeebled rejected twin.
So imagine all of that set to music. Awful, isn’t it? Now, imagine that set to John Mayer music. We know, we know. It makes us sad, too. But that’s effectively what John Mayer’s new album Battle Studies is.
Still, you know what’s even worse than that? John Mayer doing an interview with Rolling Stone about his break-up with Jennifer Aniston to promote his Jennifer Aniston break-up album. Yup, brace yourselves. People reports:
Calling himself an “asshole” for breaking up with on-again-off-again squeeze Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer admits he’s having a hard time moving on. “I’ve never really gotten over it… It was one of the worst times of my life…. I’ll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing,” he says. “Think of how much mental capacity I’m using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a fuck about it.”
Poor old John Mayer, eh? We’re not really sure what his problem is, though – if he wants to get back together with Jennifer Aniston so much, then he should probably go and star in one of her films. Everyone knows that’s the easiest way to start a relationship with her. It’ll probably last at least until the DVD release, too, if the film turns out to be popular.
Still, good for Rolling Stone for allowing us a glimpse into John Mayer’s tangled romantic life. Hopefully this means next week OK! magazine will feature a lengthy essay about the textural complexities of the new Spoon album. Can’t wait for that.
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pat brown says
John Mayer is a seriously talented dude, and I for one have listened to all of his records – even the last one. I’m sure there a lot guys like you who wish they could pull tail like Jennifer Aniston, play guitar like Stevie Ray and write chart topping songs that make him known all over the world. Don’t beat yourself up about it, being a cubicle rat can’t be all that bad.
Pat Brown
Austin Tx
megan says
“and a man who sounds like Jason Mraz
Sunny says
Those on again, off again romances just never work out.
Mike Miller says
Any man lucky enough to pull the incredible Jennifer Aniston — and then be stupid enough to break up with her — deserves a kick or three to the head. Yes this includes you Brad “Lying, Cheating, Two-Timing Bastard” Pitt. I mean really, John Mayer, a man with a head so far up his own ass he thinks he could do better than Jen – sorry John ya can’t marry yerself – as in love as you may be — dumps HER. Dumps her! The rest of us would kill for her and this one dumps her. My good gawd, life just ain’t fair.
Tiana says
Let the gay rumors begin…
Michele says
HE DUMPED HER….TWICE!! Vince Vaugh went bye bye and married someone else. Bradley Cooper and Gerard Butler made it clear that they did NOT want her. Brad had her for 7 sevens and walked away….so MIKE…she’s ALL YOURS!!! Go for it!
KungxFu says
Well said, Jen is the greatest!
kerrie says
Taylor swift was the reason he dumped Jennifer What a douche bag!