Readers, have you sued Michael Jackson lately? What? You haven’t? Then you’re just about the only one.
Everyone else on the planet has sued Michael Jackson, you know. Everyone – vets, lawyers, fiery sheikhs, staff – and now John Landis. John Landis is suing Michael Jackson over claims that he hasn’t received any royalties from the Thriller video in four years.
The lawsuit could put the skids on Michael Jackson’s plan for a new Thriller musical. Which wouldn’t be too bad, because ‘acquitted child molester Michael Jackson’ is so much easier to say than ‘successful musical theatre impresario Michael Jackson’, isn’t it?
Michael Jackson just can’t catch a break these days, can he? Whatever he tries to do – like release a charity single or record an album of duets with a deceased pontiff or, you know, playing a game of ‘hey kids, guess what I’ve got in my pocket’ or whatever – it always ends up getting trampled on.
It was true when Michael Jackson allegedly tried to make off with that sheikh’s money, and it’s true now that Michael Jackson is putting together plans for a new musical based on songs from Thriller.
Poor Michael Jackson, the Thriller musical was going to be an uphill struggle as it was – the plan was to base the entire musical around John Landis’ spookily iconic Thriller video, so the only feasible way to shoehorn a song like The Girl Is Mine into it would be to have it performed by two zombies arguing over a disemboweled secretary – but now it’s been thrown into further chaos. John Landis, you see, has decided to sue Michael Jackson for unpaid royalties. Variety reports:
“After a spectacular theatrical premiere, the ‘Thriller’ video became a worldwide megahit and an iconic pop culture phenomenon that has continued to generate profits for defendants Optimum Prods. and Michael Jackson, who have wrongfully refused to pay or account for such profits to plaintiff”. The action accuses Jackson of “fraudulent, malicious and oppressive conduct” in failing to pay Landis 50% of the net proceeds.
It’s always sad when two old friends fall out like this, especially when they have so much in common. As well as piecing the Thriller video together, both John Landis and Michael Jackson have jointly declined in creativity so dramatically that their best days are now two solid decades behind them. And neither of them can remember what their own chin looks like. Commonalities like these bond men together.
But at least we know what the deal is here. As with every other lawsuit he’s faced, we’re fairly certain that Michael Jackson will ignore John Landis until the last minute before coming to an eleventh-hour settlement on the steps of the court. And once that’s over, Michael Jackson can get on with what he’s good at – being sued by the few individuals who haven’t got round to doing so yet.
At the last count, those individuals included an injured mountain lion, a yogurt pot and nobody else.