Because Joe Jonas was created by Walt Disney, he’s expected to live in a world that’s free of evil and full of McDonald’s toys.
However, Joe Jonas is in fact an actual human, albeit one brimming with eerily cheesy personal traits, so Disney has had to do its best to protect its creation and ensure that he isn't led astray.
After singing bland songs to primary school children for years, Joe Jonas eventually had to grow up. He's got those urges, and not the ones where you sneak biscuits in the middle of the night. But heaven forbid he does the dirty and upsets Mickey Mouse. To fend off women, Joe wears a special ring telling people he won't blow his load until he gets married. However, it has been claimed that the whiny singer has already been busy in the bedroom. Uh-oh.
Normally when stories are published about famous people, they're followed by statements reassuring fans that the people writing it are nasty smelly poo heads. However, Joe Jonas has upped the ante and decided to let his team of legal guard dogs loose in the direction of Canadian blogger Zack Taylor. So what has Zack done to cause such a rift in the Disney man’s camp? Well, he has published a series of articles that claim the singer had sexy fun time with ex-girlfriend Demi Lovato.
So what? Well, hold on to your coffee cups and put all valuables to one side; the story takes a twist for the worst! You see, Zack Taylor isn't saying that the two made passionate love whilst in a relationship. Oh no, he claims they did it since splitting up, being a pair of no good friends with benefits. If this allegation was to be proved true, then it would affect the other Jonas Brothers. We don't know their names; it'll probably be Thompson Jonas and Haddock Jonas. MTV reports:
?The Jonas?s Brothers appeal is in part due to their clean-cut reputation. Joe and his brothers have taken vows of abstinence and have spoken openly about their decision to remain virgins until they marry.?
OK, so Jesus might not teach them to walk on water if they break their vow, but if the situation is true about Joe Jonas taking off his purity ring, it could spell problems for himself and Demi Lovato. There is a teeny weeny issue about Demi?s age. At the time of the alleged bonking, she was only 17 – illegal in a lot of Americans states. TMZ discovered a copy of the legal letter sent to Zack Taylor which said:
?Your repeated posting of fabricated stories regarding our client must be viewed as evidence of your wilful or reckless disregard for the truth and reflect a malicious attempt to attack and devalue our client’s good name and reputation.?
What Joe Jonas needs to realise is that despite having a purity ring on his finger now, a real wedding ring won't open the doors to his lady’s vagina. He?ll only learn the hard way that being married means a degrading amount of action in that department as more and more time is spent working on a giant book of crossword puzzles.
Marriage, he must be shitting it
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errrr says
I think you might like Joe Jonas a bit. You didn’t say anything all that mean. Hmmm.
By the by, he took that ring off months ago. Why has no one properly noticed?
Purity Rings says
A lot of people have said they have seen Joe not wearing his purity ring… I wonder if he’s still living the rules of the purity ring.