As horrible as it is to think, sometimes slaves can get out of hand. When they do, you've got to stop them immediately, and remind them how to properly turn down your bed sheets.
Or sometimes you have to fire them. Jessica Simpson knows – she just had to sack her slave Rob Shuter, who was creating quite a stir over in the Simpson camp by spreading all sorts of 'Jessica loves John Mayer' malarkey.
Which is really a ridiculous assumption in the first place. Seriously – have you guys seen John Mayer? He looks like an old potato.
There has been some real upheaval on Jessica Simpson's side of the moat. She just sold off Rob Shuter because she thinks he did a crappy job as her talky-slave… er publicist. No, talky-slave was right. He was trying to stir up some free press for her newest album A Public Affair by creating a fake or over-exaggerated relationship between Ms. Simpson and John Mayer.
The thing is, in Hollywood if you start telling the press your boss is in love (as Shuter is reported to have done), you're just asking for it. An unnamed Simpsonite said of the former slave's tactics:
"…100 percent Shuter. He broke all the rules of the game. He's a pathological liar. I wonder how much Jessica even knew what he was up to."
Sounds bad, doesn't it? Back when we dated Jessica this never would have happened. We understood that although we indulged her passion of sliding into gigantic vats of oatmeal together all the time, she still needed her privacy. We understood that when she wanted us to dress up like a 6' club sandwich, it was special between us – not media fodder.
Just the same, when we dumped her, it was difficult. She teared, she said she loved us more than she ever thought was possible by a person trapped in the confines of this mortal flesh, she tried to make us take the kids, but we couldn't. That's why we quietly lowered ourselves out that third-floor bathroom window. We were busy trying to swoon Christie Brinkley's husband's teenage girlfriend at the time. You can't swoon with nine-year-old quadruplets in the back seat, y'know?
They always smell like french fries.
Read more:
Simpson Shows Publicist The Door – E! Online
[story by Shawn Lindseth]