Jessica Alba Is Both Talentless And Classy

WJessica Alba Entertainment Weeklyhy the fuck do people still care about Jessica Alba?? I mean that sincerely.? Outside of staged photo ops and the occasional Facebook ad I get about her crunchy baby company, what the hell does she does she do?? More importantly, what does she do that still makes her worth an interview about being an actress?

Ok, according to IMDB, she has done a few films over the couple of years.? Excuse me for not remembering Spy Kids 4.? My point still remains.

So, because Entertainment Weekly is obviously hurting for cover stories, they did an interview with Jessica Alba.? It’s basically a typical Jessica Alba interview that is very similar to her acting.? Boring, bland, and one note. Thanks to a cover where she poses provocatively in a bikini while wet, it’s the epitome of Jessica Alba.? Pretty to look at but not much depth.? Except for one little nugget of gold.

For those who don’t know what?the “casting couch” is, it’s basically a term that describes how women fuck for roles.? Sometimes men too, because let’s face it it’s Hollywood.? Usually, the parties involved are less than talented wanna-bes and ego inflated directors.? Whenever you watch a movie and go, “How in the hell did they let this bitch get this part?” it’s most likely because while said actress can’t act her way out of a paper bag, she could blow and swallow out of it.

Now Jessica Alba is claiming in this new interview that she has never, ever, dropped her panties for a part.?? She may play a dirty sexy lady in her new Sin City movie, but in real life she has too much class for that shit.

?Sex is absolutely what helps sell this movie, which is fine with me. I?m also playing a character when people are taking pictures of me. That?s what I do, but it is not who I am. I never slept my way through Hollywood, so I never felt like I compromised. Apparently people do it, I didn?t. I felt like I never compromised myself because I?m a prude. I don?t know. I grew up Catholic. In my head I?m always thinking, ?Oh God, can my grandma see this?’

I?m kind of a prude, and I didn?t really understand. They would always ask me provocative questions about my sexuality, my this or that. Sometimes I would lie and say something that wasn?t true to make myself seem more interesting than I was. I mean, I didn?t even know how to walk in heels until I went to the Golden Globes for the first time.?

Now, hmm.? I don’t know if I can believe this.? Jessica Alba may be hot, I can totally get why guys get all hard in the pants for her, but her acting reminds me of Paris Hilton in her every day life.? So, I don’t really see how anyone who wasn’t deaf, dumb, and possibly dead, could ever possibly give her a role.

Buttttt then I also take into account her IMDB account, and realize she hasn’t actually been cast in anything that hasn’t totally fucking sucked.? So I could see that maybe she never had to sleep with someone for a role.? The Love Guru?? Good Luck Chuck?? Into the Blue?? Honey?? None of these really scream “I FUCKED HARD FOR THAT ROLE!” Of course, the exception here is?for Alex Mack. That show was my shit when I was a tween.? But Alba was like 13 then, and since that shit wasn’t on Disney here’s to hoping she was too young for that crap.



  1. Phooey says

    Alba is lying. I agree she looks great but women like her are a dime a dozen in Hollywood. For gosh sakes, she let 50 cents get into her pants. That means anybody can get in there.

  2. techpriest35 says

    you guys forgetting her best performacne of invisible woman in the fantastic four movies i liked that performance but thats about it for me