Jennifer Aniston To Go Topless To Promote Perfume

The media like to create an image of a celebrity to give an essence of the person behind the fame. So Amy Winehouse is ‘wild’, Daniel Day Lewis is ‘serious’ and Jennifer Aniston does nothing but cry all the time and throws darts into pictures of Angelina Jolie. Basically, we’re all supposed to believe she’s astonishingly feeble.

And so, because she’s not really done much since Friends died (yes, she’s been in films, but can you name any?), Hollywood’s most fragile little poppet has decided to make a perfume which is presumably made from her tears and smells like distant regret. And what do you call a perfume like this? Well, it seems like Aniston has been spending too much time on internet forums as proposed names have had the whiff of text-speak about them.

The fragrance will hit our suspecting public on July 21 at Harrods. It seems, after much deliberation, the perfume will be called ‘Jennifer Aniston’, which shows as much imagination as Cristiano Ronaldo when faced with a baby.

Previous names for the product have included ‘Lola Vie’, ‘Lovavie’ and ‘Lolavie’ (all of which sound like ‘luvverly’). We can only wonder if she considered Pmslvie, Roflmaogli or WTFAngelinaJolieIsAProperBitch.

Perfume blog The Scented Salamander (yes, there’s a perfume blog) writes:

“We can only speculate that the fragrance marketing teams decided the idea of the name was cute but would be constant fodder for psychoanalysts, bloggers and tabloids. In the UK, the latter are famously fierce. They would have probably gone digging in her trash bins to see if they could dig out a reasonable explanation for the name Lolavie.”

There’s some good news for perverts and fans of side-boob as Aniston will be promoting the fragrance with no top on.

Now, that doesn’t mean she’s going to be seen on street corners with her busters out flogging them out of a suitcase with one beady eye on the arrival of the police, but rather, the publicity shots will see Aniston with no top on. This presumably is to make us aware of a celebrity perfume that we probably would have ignored otherwise.

If you’d like to see Aniston in the flesh (probably crying), then you can go down to Harrods-based meet-and-greet which takes place from 10am, July 21st.

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  1. Mizz Korsakov says

    How dare you toy with us, Mof Gimmers, real name Scented Salamander Scoffer, telling us at 11am that something big is happening at 10am! Luckily for me, I live in a diffrent time zone and I just made it.