Jay-Z, a man we all like even when he makes records that seem a bit crap, is planning on making Adele ‘massive’. Can anyone think of a joke for that previous sentence? Like, Adele is pretty massive as it is. She’s really big in America… she’s huge everywhere! So where’s the joke?
No matter, J-Hova wants to make a record (nb ‘Records’ are the outdated format that has retained cool despite late, post-modern surge from cassettes. Look ’em up) with the Rolling In The Deep singer, presumably, to provide an apocalyptic chorus on something.
Unless, godferbid, he’s going to make her rap. Jeez. That’d be awful. We already have to suffer Plan B, Example and Professor Green with their awful mockney stylings, innit guvnor me pickledy pear, oi! That’s how cockerney folk talk isn’t it?
Anyway, Jigga – who is currently in the UK after watching his lovely wife Beyonce headline Glastonbury and mooching around at Wimbledon with Royalty – had a business lunch with Adele, presumably impressed at how loudly she burped. Especially impressive given that she can let out thunderous burps while swallowing food.
A source says, despite having absolutely no clue:
“Jay has been making the most of his trip over here. It’s not often he is overwhelmed by people when he meets them, but Adele was on top form as usual.”
“She talked him under the table. He was chuckling all the way through their chat. He’s keen to work with her, whether it’s producing or writing together.”
“She was a huge hit in the States and he believes they could make a massive record together.”
Just think. If Amy Winehouse wasn’t such a tremendous penis, she probably would’ve got the Jay-Z gig, which would’ve been fun.
However, she’s an ale-can and Adele is grafting her little testes off in the hole left by Winehouse and getting all the plaudits. Despite making insipid, faux-anthemic pop, it really is incredibly difficult to knock her and her delightfully common mouth.
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angeli says
wait and see..
Bobby says
Well, guess it doesn’t really matter. Hip-hop is crap nowadays anyway.
dog wover says
Long live Adele! One of the only real talents in the world.
Eloise says
Well If Jay-Z Its Teaming Up With Adele Maybe Is Going To Be Good Everyone Has To See WHAT WILL BE NEXT…….
kate says
Whoever wrote this should probably be sacked/shot.
Cookie Monster says
His name is not Mof Gimmers, as it is written up there in the byline. I like how you fit ‘should probably’ in there. You would make a fantastic judge. “I, Kate, believe that Mof should be excused from his job, if it’s not too much trouble, and further, if he might enjoy it, kicked squarely in the nuts, and then taken from here and, should it work-out as a ‘go’ for everyone, be drawn and quartered, I guess, sometime or other”.
What would it take for Mof to change that ‘should probably’ to ‘must certainly’?