Jordan Catalano would be so disappointed in Jared Leto. Of all the females that Leto could bump uglies with, he’s decided that his penis isn’t nearly in enough daily danger, so he’s taken to letting his hot dog roll down the hallway that is Miley Cyrus.
Miley is probably giddy with excitement, since she is so punk and raw and 90s in her denim cut offs and flannel. Plus, boning a dude old enough to be her dad probably irritates the hell out of Billy Ray, and isn’t sticking it to your father every little hot mess’ dream?
Supposedly, Jared Leto and Miley Cyrus have known each other a “long time” although for legal purposes they would probably say 3 years. Recently, they’ve bonded over their mutual love for being deep, and now can add making poor life decisions to their common interests. An “anonymous source” (aka Papa Cyrus. He may not like the idea of this, but you know he would never turn down a chance to make some dollar bills off his gravy train) says that these two are like lifestyle twinsies.
“They like to have a good time, they love to talk about art and music and they’re both comfortable with nudity.”
What kind of “art” and “music” could these two really talk about together? Cyrus thinks tongue fucking a sledgehammer and humping midget Britney Spears is artistic, while Leto starred in Requiem for a Dream. Jared fronts a band where actual instruments are used and their songs repeat more than 2 sentences for 3 minutes, and Miley gave us, well, a lot of terrible songs to mention. The nudity thing I get, because it really makes everything so much easier if your fuck buddy doesn’t even bother trying to wear pants. And Miley really only ever wears clothing because legally she has to in public, but I am sure in the comfort of her own home it’s all direct couch to vagina contact 24/7. This also explains why her house smells like the New Jersey Turnpike.
Another “anonymous source” (aka Jared himself) says people are reading into this too much, because Leto doesn’t “do” girlfriends. He just wham bam thanks ’em, and sends them off with an autographed glossy 8×10 of him as either Steve Prefontaine or Mark David Chapman, since he has an influx of extras of them for some reason he can’t quite figure out.
This whole thing really obviously boils to drugs and booze and their mutual love for both. It has to. It is the only plausible excuse for Jared to be messing around with this train wreck. Or else he is starting his midlife crisis a few years too early and just wants to get some in with someone a little more full of life than his usual go to of vapid hungry models.